Bobby Beyond: Setting Boundaries In Your Relationships

September 30, 2023
BOBBY BEYOND

They’re essential to every relationship you have in every realm of your life. Romantic, sexual, friendship, and work-related relationships all have one necessary component for ensuring you’re not taken advantage of. That component is boundaries. The necessity of them is something that is acquired with age and experience, however, we learn from a young age what we like and what we don’t. In many relationships, if boundaries aren’t set, they’re crossed. I can’t even count how many times I’ve had to stand up for myself and set new boundaries as people test just how far they can take things. So let’s start off with what boundaries are and aren’t.

Boundaries, in this essence, are quite literally bounds or limits set in order to protect a person’s interests, privacy, security, health, and time. They are not a punishment nor are they meant to hurt someone. A boundary can be something as simple as asking someone not to call you a specific nickname and can be more serious as asking someone to not make sexual advances towards you because it makes you uncomfortable. They can even be more broad, such as requesting that people don’t pressure you to drink or smoke because you’ve worked hard on your sobriety. Boundaries are yours to set, and theirs to follow.

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Speaking of following, once a line has been drawn, it shouldn’t be crossed. If someone accidentally crosses a less harmful boundary, it typically isn’t from a place of malice, however, if they continue to cross it then it may warrant a more serious discussion. For instance, if you tell someone that you’re trying to stay sober from alcohol, and they continue to pressure you even after telling them no, then it’s time for a talk about boundaries and why they’re there. Also let them know that in order to stay close to you, it’d be wise to stop. You don’t have to explain why you have the boundary, but it could help them understand as everyone has different perspectives on situations. In a more serious situation, such as a sexual one, if someone repeatedly disrespects boundaries set about sexual advances and touching, you may even want to cut that person off entirely or pursue legal action. This is sexual harassment, and it is illegal.

In romantic situations, it can be even harder to set and keep boundaries. When you like someone and want to impress them, you may be swayed to let them get away with things. My advice for that is never to allow disrespect, bullying, shaming, controlling, or disregard to your bodily and sexual autonomy. If you feel like something is wrong, say something. Set more boundaries if necessary, and if they can’t respect your boundaries, they can’t respect you. No matter how hot he is, or how good he fucks you, that stuff is always eclipsed in the long run by disrespect and disregard. If you don’t want to be a doormat, get off the floor.

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In a work setting, setting boundaries are crucial. Bosses may ask you for more work than you’re paid to do, coworkers may disrespect you socially, and many other situations. If you feel like you’re being taken advantage of in regards to your time or workload, discuss it with management, and then HR if the issue is still active. And same goes for if you’re experiencing workplace bullying. This stuff can seem tolerable when first starting a job, but over time can grind a person down, making them feel powerless and stressed out. Never let a job ruin your quality of life, we can have many jobs but only get one life to live.

In conclusion, boundaries are how we stay safe and sane in this crazy thing we call life. And no matter what the situation, they can be extremely useful in maintaining a happy and healthy life. Be fearless when drawing lines in the sand, and never accept less respect than you deserve. One of my favorite things I’ve heard in regard to boundaries is, “If I cut you off, it’s probably because you handed me the scissors”. Boundaries are a good thing, and they will help you gain more control of your own happiness, health, and time. You are the bouncer of the club that is your life, and if someone is causing chaos, 86 their ass!