Gay Porn’s Slutty Reality Show Washes Out Its Cum Rags

Episode 3 of our favorite "reality" show "So You Think You Can Fuck" shows us how adept pornstars are at the simple act of talking. Hey, it's hard to enunciate words! Plus, we get a laundry room fuck from one of the sexiest contestants, even though he may be too white for the judges. Too white? Ha! We never heard anyone complain about that!

The Challenge
The gang over at DominicFord.com have titled this episode "So You Think You Can Talk." Hahaha, pornstars talking. Hahahahaha! We laugh with sadness because it turns out that most of them can't! Following up last week's photo shoot competition for endlessly plugged sponsor Pjur, the contestants must memorize and effectively deliver dialogue promoting the lube. Jarrett Fox keeps pronouncing "Dominic" as "Dominique." Jimmy Clay proudly blurts out his lines like a 1st Grader reciting his speech for the Thanksgiving Pageant. Sadly for our standards, he's amazingly hot as a good-natured dumb jock. Only Mitch Vaughn memorizes his lines with any sense of salesmanship.

The Sex Scene
Jarrett—who was separated at birth from The A-List's Derek—gets paired with Rick McCoy. The pair's scenario has them sneaking into a resort's laundry room for a mid-day rendezvous. We've been dying to see tall, saucy Rick in action. He's eternally tugging on his dick during the challenges, so finally we get to see it in all it's glory. All that tugging doesn't mean an erection. Rick doesn't get hard for the entire scene, no matter how juicily Jarrett work his mouth and assring on that dick, making Rick's convulsions as he's edging on ejaculating very suspect. We wish we saw a closeup of Rick's hole being eaten by Jarrett. Alas, we're stuck with two very static camera angles.

On the plus, Jarrett straddling a rolling bin scrawled with "Dirty" sent shivers through our body. Rick does an expert job tossing Jarrett around like a sexual rag doll, manhandling him to orgasmic delight. Jarrett shoots a bucket of cum as creamy white as Rick's skin, while Rick sadly shoots a teardrop.

The Judging
A fantastic aspect of this whole series is its parodies of realty show conventions. While the names of the pornstars who are going to fuck are drawn from a hat, the camera endlessly pans the contestants while dramatic music plays underneath. Also, the judges feedback is "Live from West Hollywood." Yeah, about as live as Michael Jackson (too soon?). The foursome loved the scene, calling Rick McCoy one of the best performers on the series. Um, boys, he may look incredible, but he couldn't get hard! They then complain about Rick's alabaster skin. Geesh, does every porn star need to be doused in orange spray tan? Maybe it's a WeHo thang.

By the way, does judge Tommy Stone really have a tattoo on his chest of a bow tie and buttons?! Love him anyway!

Final Score
Scotty B.: 9
Jeremy Lucido: 8.5
Tommy Stone: 8 and 3/4ths (how precise!)
Jack Shamama: 8
Fleshbot's Very Own Cedric DeWittison: 6.5

· So You Think You Can Fuck, Episode 3: So You Think You Can Talk (soyouthinkyoucanfuck.net)