Just When You Thought You Knew Everything.

Can you describe your dick?

I bet you can describe it like the back of your hand. Or better - because who can really describe the back of their hand?

Go ahead and try. Then try and describe your ding dong. Yes. Exactly.

Now, it's my turn.

MY HANG DANG:

(From memory)

• 8x6 (or so).
• Uncut (skin covers the head and pulls all the way back).
• The head is rather pink.
• Hangs to the left (since I’m right-handed).
• I also don’t hang/point down (so technically I’m not hung, though I also don’t point straight up like Buck Santiago).
• Some hair around the base (I need to manscape).
• I call him Cash, and I call my nuts The Prizes (CASH AND PRIZES GET IT?!)

MY HAND:

(Whilst staring intensely)

• Middle finger is the longest.
• Then ring finger.
• Then index.
• Then pinky.
• Palms are pretty big.
• There is some hair.
• Man, IDK.

I will say, that as well as I know my hang dang Cash, and his BFFs The Prizes, I didn’t know as many things about penises as I thought I knew.

And now you will too, with this infographic!

 source

10 FACTS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT PENISES

1. The Male Orgasm lasts about 6 seconds.

For Women, it’s 23 seconds.

And this probably goes without saying, but it seems like those boys on porn who seem to have sensitive prostates and cumshots that go on forever, are either faking it / embellishing (I’m looking at you Jessie Colter), or they’re just freaks of nature. (Looking at you, Mitch Vaughn and Jimmy Clay).

Tommy Defendi Fucks Jimmy Clay at Cockyboys

Mitch Vaughn Fucks Jay Rising at Naked Kombat

2. Smoking can shorten your penis by up to 1cm.

Don’t ever do it, and if you are, stop. Even if you’re well-endowed, we need all the length we can get. That being said, boys smoking and cigar daddies are definitely hot, if that’s your thing.

3. Doctors can grow up to 23000 m² of skin from the circumcised foreskin of infants.

It’s used to treat burn victims.

I love my foreskin (and know many of you do too). I know some of you wish you were uncut, and I wouldn’t slice mine off for anything, even though some of you don’t know what to do with it. That being said, maybe there IS some good that comes from being circumcised?

4. 1 in 400 men are flexible enough to give themselves oral pleasure.

It’s okay. Not all of us can be Dominic Santos from Randy Blue, the half-Black, half-Italian stud who can suck his own dick, and even do it while getting fucked. That’s too much multitasking, anyway. And if a cock is inside me, I have a hard enough time trying to concentrate on anything else.

[jwplayer src="https://media.fleshbot.com/data/videos/gay/006/001/024/promo_x_768k_mp4.mp4" placeholder=""] 

Dominic Santos Self-Sucks at Randy Blue

5. There is a fish with a penis on its head.

It’s called the Phallostethus cuulong.

I know you have puns. I’ll start:
“Are you sure this is a fish, and not…every single man ever?”
“Gives new meaning to the term ‘Dick head’.”
“ALSO gives new meaning to the term ‘going in head first.”
“Kanye West.”

6. The penis is shaped like a boomerang during missionary. 

Is it because it always returns to its owner? And that’s kinda what happens during the thrusting motion of sex?

7. The biggest human penis is 13.5”. The man refused to star in pornographic films.

I’m disappointed; I would have love to have seen him annihilating bottoms and their poor holes on It’s Gonna Hurt or Extra Big Dicks.

8. If unused, your penis can SHRINK by 1-2 cm.

So if you smoke, use your penis A LOT. Conversely, if you don’t use your penis, DEFINITELY don’t smoke.

But the moral of the story is USE IT DON’T LOSE IT.

9. A teaspoon of semen contains 7 calories.

There have always been debates about how many calories a spoonful of semen contains. Some say hundreds; some say nearly none. The debate has been settled now. Drink all the cum you want to. But you may not need any more than Christian Wilde’s:

Christian Wilde Fucks Duncan Black for Naked Sword

10. There are 42 different kinds of bacteria found on the penis. There’s fewer if you’re circumcised.

Think about that next time one is in your mouth. Or, the next time you’re in the bathroom desperately trying not to touch anything.

How many of these facts did you know? Do you know any other facts about dicks?