Guide To The Butts And Peens Of Fall’s New TV Lineup

Our office bathroom has a bottle of Apple Pie Febreze Air Effects next to the toilet, which can only mean one thing... the magic of Fall is here! Yes, the time of year when you buy tiny gourds and wonder how they last so long is upon us, and when you're not busy defriending people who post something like "Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower," you'll be busy catching the new awesome, thoughtful, and provocative shows on network television (leading the pack for the most hilarious reviews so far is ABC's blowout, Dr. Ken). 

DC's Legends Of Tomorrow

Honestly there are a few programs that look promising this season—I'm already freebasing Scream Queens—but this list isn't about the artistic quality of Fall's new network TV lineup. No, no, no, no. It's about the men in 2015's fresh batch of series who have dared to show us their butts and peens in the past. Before you check out what's on the small screen, absorb the big contributions these fellas have made in the past. While I've tried to be as comprehensive as possible, the big five have thrown a lot at the wall this year to see what sticks, and there's a chance I missed a couple of... penises. Ok, here we blow!

In alphabetical order:

1) Don Johnson in Blood & Oil

2) Jake McDorman in Limitless

3) Jay R. Ferguson in The Real O'Neals

4) John Stamos in Grandfathered

5) Ken Jeong in Dr. Ken

6) Nick Jonas in Scream Queens

7) Philip Winchester in The Player

8) Ray Winstone in Of Kings and Prophets (Midseason Premier)

9) Rob Lowe in The Grinder

10) Robert Kazinsky in Lookinglass, Formerly The Frankenstein Code (Midseason Premier)

11) Ryan Guzman in Heroes Reborn

12) Stephen Amell in DC's Legends of Tomorrow (Midseason Premier)

13) Sullivan Stapleton in Blindspot

14) Wentworth Miller in DC's Legends of Tomorrow (Midseason Premier)

15) Wesley Snipes in The Player

HOODIES. BOOTS. SWEATERS. PUMPKINS. TEA. CRISP AIR. LATE NIGHTS. SCARVES. BONFIRES. PENISES. BUTTS. JIZZ.