“The Intern”: Yes, It’s Supposed To Be Funny

We might as well go ahead and admit it: We tend to have problems when porn tries to be something else besides just porn, and with porn comedies in particular. Most porn manages to be funny enough without any additional effort on a scriptwriter's part, and besides, if we're in the mood to laugh we'll pop in, say, a French and Saunders DVD instead of a dirty movie.

But unless you have a fetish for overweight British commediennes (and we are so not judging you if you do), it's hard to jerk off to a French and Saunders DVD. So where does this leave Lucas Entertainment's much-ballyhooed "The Intern", billed for months now as "an intentional porn comedy"? Read our review after the jump.

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In a canny move—and despite the adorable Ben Andrews' ostensible lead billing—Michael Lucas (surprise) casts himself as the real star of "The Intern". Lucas stars as Alexander Mann, the head of New York City-based porn company Trojan Studios, who is introduced in the first scene getting Botox injections from his assistant (Christian Cruz) while screaming on the phone about suing the pants off a rival company who's thinking about using one of his exclusives in an upcoming production. If it all sounds a little familiar, well, duh—obviously, the whole point is to show Lucas' detractors that he doesn't take himself nearly as seriously as they think he does. (Those same detractors will probably point out that Lucas making a movie about his own ego is in fact just another example of that ego in action. But at least he has a sense of humor about it.)

It's hard not to giggle while watching Lucas bluster his way around with a bunch of needles sticking out of his face or mispronouncing words like "virile". But just as "Michael Lucas' La Dolce Vita" ended up being more about how fabulous it is to be Michael Lucas than a melancholy indictment of the NYC gay demimonde, "The Intern" ends up being more about how Michael Lucas thinks other people see him than a comedy about a bumbling nerd's introduction to the porn world. Maybe calling it "The Devil Wears Astroglide" might have been a better choice?

While the comedic possibilities of the movie are set up in its first ten minutes or so, the first sex scene demonstrates the problems we have with the whole "porn comedy" concept as Jason Ridge and Jonathan Vargas become the focus of attention on Lucas/Alexander's set. The boom-chicka-wow-wow soundtrack and Lucas barking orders from somewhere offstage are indeed funny, but we're apparently supposed to stop laughing and start jerking off once their dicks come out—not the easiest transition to make, unless that giant double headed dildo that suddenly appears is supposed to be part of the joke too. Still, it's a hot scene, and Ridge and Vargas manage to generate some good chemistry between them despite the hilarity of the setup.

That chemistry between performers is also evident in the next scene, which stars Fleshbot crush object Zack Randall and sexily muckle-mouth'd newbie Jimmy as a pair of straight stockroom dudes (aren't they always?) who drop a box full of Liquid Spanish Fly and experience the curious effects it has on their working relationship. Aside from the silly setup, the scene seems to have wandered in from another move, but we're not complaining—especially since it gives us a chance to see Zack show off his enthusiastic full-body blowjob technique and autofellatio skills. (Really, is there anything that boy can't do?)

You might be wondering at this point what's happened to wee (or not-so-wee) Ben Andrews' character—he is the one gracing the box cover and all, and up til now all we've seen him do is mumble a lot and screw up Starbucks orders. But alas, in the next scene we're treated to an episode involving Lucas fucking office delivery babydaddy Matt Cole on his desk. Now, Michael Lucas is a handsome man (those injections really do work!) and a sexual powerhouse, but watching him have sex in every one of his films makes us feel sort of like what would've happened if Alfred Hitchcock hadn't limited his cameos in his own movies to, say, walking out of a pet store in the beginning of "The Birds" and had the entire film focus on his own ornithological escapades in Bodega Bay instead of Tippi Hedren's.

Besides, isn't it a little problematic to see him (Lucas, we mean, not Alfred Hitchcock) eating ass after we've just watched him self-injecting collagen in his lower lip a few seconds before? Doesn't that count as unsafe sex or something?

By the time Andrews finally gets a chance to take off his pants in the next-to-last scene, we've sort of forgotten that the movie is supposed to be about him. But his pairing with the puppydog-like Christian Cruz is worth the wait, if only to hear Cruz' Castillian-inflected gasp once Andrews' trouser snake spills onto the screen for the first time. Andrews also gets to drill Derrick Hanson nine ways to Sunday in "The Intern"'s final episode as his character makes his long-awaited porn debut, at which point his bumbling awkwardness has been completely replaced by a swaggering sexual bravado. See? Porn really does change people!

The last shot of the movie features Lucas showing off his new Eliza Doolittle-esque trophy stud while cameras whirr and click around them ... but has there been any doubt who the real focus of the movie was supposed to be in the first place? Then again, we guess "The Devil Wears Prada" wasn't really about Anne Hathaway's character either.

There are some amusing supporting roles in "The Intern", most notably Joe Shephard as every irritatingly queeny Chelsea office receptionist you've ever encountered and legendary adult industry writer and artist Robert W. Richards as an on-set fluffer who, alas, never gets a chance to fluff. (Robert, we feel your pain.) And the accompanying disk of Criterion Collection-worthy extras include two bonus sex scenes, a collection of bloopers and outtakes, and fun cast interviews.

But our favorite piece of bonus material is the interactive script, where we get a chance to appreciate how clever writer/director Tony DiMarco's dialogue is instead of fast forwarding through it to get to the next sex scene. At one point early on in the film, Michael Lucas-as-Alexander Mann responds to a particularly savage Botox assault by lamenting "Despite whatever you think about me, I'm still a human." Which might be the most telling glimpse we get into the real character of "The Intern"'s main protagonist after all.

· Lucas Entertainment Presents "The Intern" (theinternxxx.com)

· Michael Lucas Blog (lucasblog.com)

· Lucas Entertainment (lucasentertainment.com)

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Previously: Ben Andrews Is "The Intern", DVD Review: Michael Lucas' "La Dolce Vita"