Check Out The Erotic Short Film That Landed Sam Taylor-Johnson The Job Directing ‘Fifty Shades’

Directing Fifty Shades of Grey was going to be a thankless job, no matter who ended up in the director's chair, because the book's author—and notorious butcherer of the English language—E.L. James had final say over any attempts to actually improve upon her tone-deaf prose. Nevertheless, the job fell to Sam Taylor-Johnson, who did an admirable job despite the absolutely moronic source material, actually has some experience with erotica thanks to her participation in the anthology film Destricted.

The 2006 flick featured short films from such provocateurs as Gaspar Noé, Larry Clark, and full-time artist/part-time filmmakers like Matthew Barney and Marina Abramovic. Taylor-Johnson's segment, Death Valley—which you can see in its entirety above—is simply a six-minute j/o scene. An artfully shot, elegantly composed j/o scene, but a j/o scene nonetheless.

At the time of filming, Taylor-Johnson went by the name Sam Taylor-Wood, but she has since met and married actor Aaron Johnson, who also adopted Taylor's last name as a hyphenate, so way to go progress! Chris Raines is the performer on screen in Death Valley, who simply wanders out into the titular section of California's Mojave Desert, drops to his knees, whips out his cock, and jerks off to completion in one 8-minute uninterrupted take. This led to her becoming the lead contender to take the job directing Fifty Shades, so there's that, and she even brought along Death Valley cinematographer Seamus McGarvey for the ride. 

If only that job had gone to Noé or, better yet, Barney, who could have added a shit ton of vaseline to Grey's Red Room of Pain. Who am I kidding? Orson Welles could have directed that film and it still would have been a steaming pile of shit. What I wouldn't give to see his version though.