When you get to the end of this video, just press replay and watch it again. Repeat until you are dead. Or cum. Whichever happens first.

Everyone says about modern art, “Oh, my dog could do better than this,” but we’d really like to see your dog put on a mask and an outfit not only put on a mask and an outfit and climb up a tree and jerk off.

This is a public service announcement to all the boys out there who do webcam shows and make jerk-off videos for all of us rabid consumers out there: Please show us your hole.

Pornstar Marcus Mojo is driving dangerously. In these two video clips, he ferociously jacks off while driving, obviously distracted from the road. We’ve been horny as hell behind the wheel, but our advice is pull over, before more than cum splatters across the windshield.

Remember circuit parties back in the ’90s where a bunch of muscles boys would stay up all night on various and assorted substances shuffling back and forth to crappy pots and pans dance music? Well, we found the last one, and he’s still hot.

We all know what happens at the end of masturbating, right? Right! Well, sometimes it still has the power to shock you.

You know you always wondered what those hot jocks do with all the energy they build up during a really intense practice? They jerk off of course.

If there’s one thing we all know about jerking off is that there is (almost) always a hand involved. How is this tattooed morsel doing it? There doesn’t seem to be a hand at all.

We like nothing more than a good dirty talker and this sexy snake oil salesman is talking up a dirty blue streak, but just where the hell is he from?

Every so often we come across a video that is so twisted and sick there is no other word to describe it but filthy. Man, we really love filthy.

You’d think that a hot, young, long-haired boy with a beautifully carved chest and nipples that you want to put in your mouth and roll around like grapes jerking off in a car in public would be enough. Do you know what’s even hotter?

You ever go to a gay bar and see one of those impossibly hot couples and you think, “Man, I don’t want to touch, I just want to go home with those guys and watch them have sex.” Finally, we get that shot thanks to the internet.

The problem with the internet is that it is forever. No matter what you try to scrub or take down, it always will come back to haunt you. So, does that mean this hottie is ruining his life with this video?

Whether or not “Olaf” is really of Scandinavian descent is anyone’s guess. His accent and attitude is purely American, regardless of his Northern Euro choice of name and looks. All we really care about is all that natural blond hair. He’s smooth, but where there’s hair, it’s like amber waves of Scandinavian grain.

What to you have to lose. Not only will he bring his own hat and do wonders for that crappy chair you have in your living room, he has another hidden talent too.

Ever have one of those nights where you’re restless and don’t know how you’re going to get your mind to slow down so you can go to bed? What’s the cure for that awful insomnia? Jerking off, of course.

Any questions?

We love someone who is daring enough to beat the meat in a public setting, but usually it’s somewhere remote where there is only the possibility of getting caught. Now this guy is just trying to get busted.

What did you do this Memorial Day? You probably did a barbecue, maybe a trip to the beach, maybe some time on the couch watching “America’s Next Top Model” repeats. Well, on Memorial Day some soldiers were risking their lives masturbating!

Put the safety on this dude’s gun. Who knows when it’ll go off. When it does…it will kill. With cum! And you’ll like it.