Working Through Awkward Political Talk At the Thanksgiving Day Table

November 26, 2024
ALEXANDER

Working Through Awkward Political Talk At the Thanksgiving Day Table

For the first time after 10 years of being together, my bestie is not joining his partner for their parents' Thanksgiving Day dinner. Typically, they have had to sit through many awkward political chats during the meal and they both know how the majority of the family voted during this election. Given what was at stake in terms of the queer community, my bestie just refuses to sit at the same table. A bit extreme? Well, many from the LGBTQ community are putting their foot down and doing the same. Was this the final straw? How do we move forward? Will you be heading into choppy waters just to break bread with your family, knowing certain family members don't support our cause? We wanted to put a few thoughts together to consider when spending the holidays with those who do not share your values in terms of politics and family life.

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To Go Or Not To Go?

First and foremost, the wounds are still fresh from the election. The majority of our community has gone through a political depression, with fear for our future. These feelings can just resurface in a traumatic way when forced to sit through someone else's rhetoric regarding politics. You need to take a moment and reflect and see if you are emotionally able to get through a Thanksgiving Day dinner. We are all told that family comes first and that blood is thicker than water...but you need to take care of your own needs first. Maybe this year you call out sick while you let some time go by to be stronger to deal with. We have gone through a lot this election, there is strength in saying no. There are a number of gay orphans out there who will be spending Thanksgiving alone. Check in on your friends, do a Friendsgiving, head out to the nightlife, or do something different this year if you just can't muster the strength to sit through an awkward dinner. You could feel back up to it when Christmas rolls around.

Eye on the Prize

There is the other thought that we shouldn't let someone else's beliefs ruin our time and by not showing up, we are giving in. Yes, this Thanksgiving may be a bit tougher, but holidays are special times when we create memories with family members and those we haven't seen all year. Will those memories outlast a difficult time for us socially and politically? If you get in the mindset of remembering why we gather on Thanksgiving, maybe that will be more important than having to listen to that loud-mouthed weird uncle spout off. Will you, months later, regret not going because of others?

Set the Expectation

Ask your Thanksgiving Day host if they would consider promoting a politics-free dinner table. This could simply be addressed at the beginning of the meal, asking guests to refrain from political chat and to just enjoy that meal and each other's company. If politics are off-limits for everyone, this may make the evening go smoother. This doesn't have to be presented in a hostile or uncomfortable way, it can be gently enforced with nothing but the holiday spirit.

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Don't Engage

From our experience, family members with contrasting views from our own just like to be heard at the table and use the time to take the spotlight to impress everyone with their so-called knowledge. People like this often bring up uncomfortable subjects or politics just to get a rise. Don't let them hook you in! If you overhear something that is just begging to be confronted, or you get roped into a conversation, just simply excuse yourself, ignore it, or change the subject. You are in control of what kind of conversation you will engage in. This doesn't mean you are being weak or running away from defending yourself. Chances are, you will never change someone's mind by confronting them at the Thanksgiving Day table. You are wasting your breath and your energy. If things get heated, take a walk outside, take a breath, and gather yourself.

Be the Hero

You can be the hero here. If someone starts spouting off, you can take the high ground and show others how to be classy in difficult situations. You can literally just say, "I hear you but I respectfully disagree," and then change the subject. You can always try a different approach and steer the conversation with this person towards things that you have in common. Talk about family memories from the past, talk about family stories, talk about New Year's Resolution, talk about something you can agree on and enjoy. Showing respect for someone who is clearly trying to bait you and then masterfully shifting the conversation makes you look like the hero. Because you are.