The Art of the Open Relationship: RC & Digger

Captivating Couples: RC & Digger

One of the greatest things about the LGBTQIA+ community is our shared mission to embrace every kind of interpersonal relationship. Many of gay porn's top performers are the pioneers of all kinds of lifestyles. The fiercely intense couple of Ryan Carter and Digger have shown us how all kinds of interpersonal relationships can be great for both sexual health and familial happiness. In this enlightening interview, they explain how their open/polyamorous relationships have grown their capacities to love each other and their additional partners and lead to great happiness.

 

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So what is the latest with Ryan Carter and Digger? 

Digger has largely hung up his lube and tattooed cock and has effectively retired from filming. I still film because I'm an exhibitionist and I love having sex on camera. I’m doing more studio productions now than Fans vids, although I usually say yes to anyone who asks me to collaborate with them. Overall, Digger and I had a very successful 7-year run making porn together. We were fortunate. We had a lot of adventures and met a ton of wonderful people along the way. Neither of us have any regrets for the slutty path we took. Now we’re focused more on spending time with our chosen family.

Could you give us a little history about yourselves? How did you meet and fall in love? 

Digger and I met at a holiday party in 2012 and we just clicked. At the time, I was still married to my first husband. I told Digger the next day that I think it probably best if we not have contact. I didn’t want to create a mess. Three years later, in 2015, after my marriage amicably ended, I ran into Digger at a restaurant. We went out that night, had a blast, and then started dating. On our 3rd date, I told him I wanted to have a talk. He later shared with me that his first thought was, “Well, that didn’t take long to be handed my walking papers.” Digger has a wicked sense of humor and we laugh our asses off together - it’s one of the things we each fell in love with. What I wanted to talk about was establishing an open relationship. I wanted to know if that interested him. If not, then we would be friends, but only friends. Dating would stop because if we didn’t want the same thing, we were incompatible. He paused for a hot second and luckily told me he wanted the same thing. I had never been so upfront at the beginning of a relationship, but this vulnerability and honesty between us set the tone for what would become our amazing partnership.

You have a special polyamorous and/or open relationship. Could you tell us how you make it work? 

We have an open relationship. We’re polyamorous, too. The openness means we fuck whoever we want, whenever we want, and wherever we want. We do not control each other in any way. The key to this kind of sexually open relationship working is two-fold: it requires honesty and consideration. We share nearly everything with each other, particularly hookups and anything we do that’s sexual. There’s an imperative to be open, honest, and transparent if you want an open relationship to work. You also need to be considerate and mindful of each other’s feelings. 

Also, we are both naturally inclined to be honest and considerate, so having an open relationship just works for us. It’s how we’re both wired and it’s what we expressly told each other was the relationship we wanted.  

Being open and being polyamorous are not the same thing. An open relationship is usually more about sex, allowing for sexual experiences outside the relationship. Polyamory is more about loving others simultaneously, not necessarily about sex.

Digger and I are naturally family-oriented and, because of this, we started collaring pups after a couple years into our relationship. As of today, we have 5 “pups,” so our chosen family has grown. Our relations with each other are very emotionally connected, as well. But we’re not possessive of any of our pups. We want them to grow and have primary relationships if they want. Making all this work can take a lot of effort with communication. Sometimes we do it well. Sometimes not so much. When we do better with communication, our family is usually pretty stable.

But like any family, we sometimes run into problems. The important thing is how that turbulence is processed and resolved. The quality of repair determines the quality of the relationship.  

 

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How did this family come to be?

When Digger and I collared our first pup, Clipper, around 2017, we started to come to understand that we are polyamorous, in addition to being sexually open. After a couple of years, we colored two more pups, Kilo & Smash. Kilo is married to Archer Croft, a fellow pornstar, and they live in Ft Lauderdale. Smash is in the military and just moved to SoCal. 

After collaring Smash, we were starting to then realize that we were building a family. Digger and I are both natural leaders and becoming the daddies fit us really well. Around this time, in 2018, Digger and I started doing porn (but that’s a whole *other* interview). Our third pup, Bumblebee, was not collared, but he’s still a much-loved member of our family. 

While we are sexual with all our pups and have very close, intimate relationships with them, we’re not romantically involved with them. Well, not in the traditional sense of the word, romantic. Our family, our “chosen” family, probably looks like one big mesh of love relationships. My primary relationship is with Digger. He is my first priority, my romantic relationship, my relationship priority, my spouse. Our pups are like a sliver of a “step below” that, all encouraged to develop a primary love relationship for themselves. Their boyfriends and partners have all become a welcomed part of our family. 

Our family was growing. A couple of years after collaring Smash, we collared our fourth pup, Jax Thirio, who’s also an established and successful performer. Because Jax lived with us for several years until he moved to LA, many people have assumed we’re a throuple. While we *are* very close, we’re not a throuple. Digger and I support Jax’s romantic relationships. We want him to fall in love, and he has. He now lives in LA with his boyfriend and fellow pornstar, Jack Valor.

Could you share with us your Dom and Pup relationship? What exactly is it? 

The simplest explanation I can give is that we’re a family. Think of Digger and me as the parents/mentors. I’m the patriarch slightly above Digger, but we both sit at the proverbial head of the table. I’m the Dom in our chosen family (technically, though, I’m a "switch”), I’m the alpha. Digger was my first pup. Even though he's my primary relationship he’s also my pup. The funny thing is, we didn’t really plan on building a chosen family, but this is what happened.  We just put one foot in front of the other: we added/collared pups to our family as we went along. Our family operates as a hierarchy, where Digger and I are the patriarchs. We’re the Doms in our family.  Our 5 pups are not in any hierarchal order, but a natural pecking order developed simply by the timeline of when we collared them; the first collared pup (Clipper) is sort of the “senior" of our pups. 

Who are some of your pups? What is your relationship with them? 

We have close relationships with all our pups and their partners (if they have one). But like all families, sometimes we’re closer than other times and sometimes there’s tension that needs to be worked through.  We want our pups to develop a loving primary relationship. Collaring was in no way meant to claim their heart. We want them to bond with others and fall in love. The greatest gift is to see them happy, falling in love, and creating healthy relationships on their own. 

Our pups are (in chronological order of when we collared them): Clipper, Kilo, Smash, Bumblebee (not collared), and Spartan.  I love them all to pieces, and my relationship with each of them is unique to that pup. My relationship with our pups is not simply sexual, it’s also deeply emotional and bonded. They all call me “Daddy,” which I have come to love. Their nicknames are not random.  Clipper is a barber, Kilo was a vice detective, Smash is military and does drag (Smash totally fits him), and Spartan is Greek and a warrior (he’s ex-military, too). I rarely call them by their legal names.

 

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Could you tell us a bit about your history in the adult industry? 

I started doing porn in 2018, right at the dawn of the Fans platforms. I didn’t really set out to be a “porn star.” But Digger and I were at the right place at the right time.  We rode the daddy wave and the content-creators wave.  Both of those phenomena happened simultaneously and we were there at the epicenter of it in Los Angeles. As we gained popularity on social media and our subscriptions exploded, the studios took note.  Prior to the Fans platforms, I don’t think I ever would have been able to establish a porn career coming in later in life and a daddy.  Digger and I (and performers like us) showed the studios that there’s a huge market for daddy content.  That, plus we built an audience that the studios wanted to tap into. Once I got a taste of the work, the money, and the success, I was off to the races. I worked to develop the porn career that was unfolding. The formula for success is basically consistency over time. 

You have been in the business for some time now. How have you achieved your longevity? 

The basic reason is that I just keep plugging long. I was consistent in my efforts. I also put effort into maintaining relationships as best I could. I also am sober from drugs & alcohol, and that has probably helped a lot.  I wasn’t derailed by the trappings of substances. When substances become a problem, then reliability, performance & professionalism all suffer as a result. These problems can easily derail a promising career. Another factor is that I know who I am and I don’t try to be something I’m not. I’m a muscle daddy. I try to embrace my age, and my body and accept that because of these, I’m limited in what I can do. I accept that. In a world obsessed with youth and beauty/image, authenticity is appealing. I don’t try to be something I’m not.  

 

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Are there some challenges about being in a relationship and an adult performer? Please share. 

The biggest challenge between partners that are also performers is usually competing egos. But luckily Digger and I came into the industry together and we support each other's endeavors.  We have worked hard to make communication as easy as possible. This has served us very well in managing our respective careers. 

What are some things you've yet to do in the industry (and beyond) that you'd still like to explore? 

I really want to do fetish/bondage scenes. Particularly water sports. I’m turned on by water sports, and other fetishes like bondage, ritual, and domination scenes. I’ve done a few water sports scenes and loved it. I would do more of that.  

Please share with us some of Ryan Carter and Digger outside of the adult industry and performing. Hobbies? Interests? Beliefs? 

A lot of people don’t know that I’m a musician. I started playing piano when I was 8 and was classically trained. I started writing songs in my teens and pursued a career in the music industry through my 20s. I came close to getting signed to a label, but it just wasn’t in the cards. As I rolled up on 30, I got sober from drugs & alcohol and then went back to school to get a Master’s Degree in clinical psychology. That’s how I became a licensed mental health professional. I've recorded a lot of music over the years and I continue to write & play.  I think there’s a big intersection between psychology and music. - actually it’s an endless source of ideas.  

 

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For Ryan, What is the sexiest thing about Digger and what do you love most about him? 

Digger is really fucking funny. Not goofy funny, but more smart funny ... witty.  We laugh our asses off together.  He’s my best friend and I love being around him. He lifts me up so easily. I also respect his intelligence and trust his advice. I never question where his loyalties are, and that’s an incredible feeling to trust another person so fully. We are so similarly wired, too, especially when it comes to sex. We like a lot of the same things. It helps that he’s super hot with an insane washboard stomach and a big dick. 

 

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For Digger, What is the sexiest thing about Ryan and what do you love most about him? 

Ryan inspired me to be the most authentic version of myself - including embracing my sexuality and my inner pig. In growing our relationship, we faced a lot of challenges together and because of that, we grew to be best friends. What I love about him the most is that he’s always made me feel safe and loved. When I first met him, I cruised him at a party.  I saw the outlines of his back tattoo through his shirt and I made a beeline to him. We clicked right from the get-go. Later, we discovered that our tattoos visually connected to each other which is noticeable when we’re shirtless side by side. I have felt an intensity of love for him that I didn’t know existed. I learned so much about him through his music, and that creativity and gift for expression that he has is so intensely sexy to me. Physically, he’s also the most beautiful man I've ever known.  

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