Ask Chad: Horny Roommates, Blank Grindr Profiles, and Sloppy Sunday Fundays

Heyoooo Thirsty Bitches!

The weather is getting colder so you know what that means...yaassss....grey sweatpants season! Literally, after speedos, it's the hottest thing on a guy who is freeballing. Seeing that outline and the floppy cock flop. Yassssss...literally going to Starbucks for my fifth pumpkin spice latte of the day to watch freeballers should be my job. Someone pay me! Anyway, thanks for your questions this week, I'm just glad some of you have messier lives than I do.

Keep those questions coming in, Sexies. It keeps me entertained to find out all of us bitches have the same crazy lives and sex trouble. As my Sniffies profile says, Nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

My good girlfriend has a new man in her life. He's so hot....and also DL. He hit me up from a blank Grindr profile after the first time we met and have been talking since. Is it the worst thing ever to hook up with her hot man? Do I have to tell her about him? What should I do about this?

Thanks,

Bad Friend

Dear Bad Friend,

GURRRRLLLL, you in danger! I usually am not too strict about who I will or won’t fuck (my friends’ exes are all up for grabs). However! This situation is a no-win scenario. You said she was your good girlfriend, but how good is the dick? Worth it to ruin a friendship? Plus, you and your girlfriend would be sharing the same dick. That’s just weird. He must not be a good guy if he is lying to her about his sexuality and is trying to reach out to you knowing you guys are friends, that’s weird. And doesn’t he think you’d say something? But, you’re in it now! You kept talking to him even after he made the big reveal. Since you’re asking my advice, I’ll tell you that you should tell him that he needs to spill the beans or you will. In any case, she is going to know that you kept the convo going without telling her originally. You’re gonna get in troubleeee! P.S. If the dick is really good, give him my number.

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Dear Chad,

Me and my bestie had a big fight on a sloppy Sunday Funday and now it's been almost a month without contact. Both of us think we are right and no one is willing to swallow our pride and apologize. How do I forge a path forward or do I just say we had some good times and it's now time to move on?

Thanks,

Bestie Trouble

Dear Bestie Trouble,

Oh, I loooooove sloppy Sunday Fundays! Although usually, I’m talking sloppy refers to my ass after a day of buckets of mimosas and anonymous loads at The Abbey. Some gays just can’t handle their Sunday Fundays and it can get bitchy and messy. Just get the fuck over it and send a funny text, “Up for Sunday Funday this weekend?” with a laughing emoji. If he’s really your bestie, you’ll both get over it. Don’t be so prideful, besties are hard to come on…I mean come by.

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Hi Chad,

I just moved into a place I found online and my roommate is also gay but about 20 years older than me. After bringing home two guys in two weeks, my new roommate comes to me to say he's really uncomfortable with me bringing guys in the house. I can't live here for a year without ever hosting a hook-up. What should I do?

Thanks,

Horny Roommate

Dearest Horny Roommate.

First of all. HAHAHAHA! Sounds like Gramps is jealous. There’s only one way I’d be living with an older gay…can we say Sugar Daddy? Legally, Ebenezer can’t tell you what you can or can’t do in your room. I used to love it when my roommate brought guys over cause I’d usually get a helping of their dick the morning after. BUT, having strangers in your house can also be a bit unsettling. BUTTTT, a guy a week isn’t really extreme. I usually do a guy a day. You’re allowed to have visitors, you’re allowed to have sex, and there’s really nothing he can do about it. He’s going to have to get over it. If not, just pull the cord on his oxygen tank.