Happy Birthday To Screen Legend K.J. Apa! Let’s Celebrate With His Bulge And Ass Cheeks

Every cinephile remembers where he was when he first saw a K.J. Apa performance. He's actually the actor that inspired me to get into this crazy biz we call show. The abs. The pecs. The scruff. The ass. The bulge. The man is simply a tour de fuck and The Academy needs to wake up and start rewarding greatness!

Sorry for dropping the truth bomb so early in the morning. K.J. Apa does indeed turn twenty-three today and we're going to celebrate with the times he put the moisture-wicking technology of our manties to the test. Most of these iconic and legendary moan-ments went down on Riverdale, but we will be revisiting Apa's ass on Ellen, because I will not be denied Apa's butt. Not during Pride Month.

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But before we get to that, I must address the controversy in the room (J.K. it's not really controversy.) Last week a commenter came for me for covering Apa's shirtless Instagram pic, responding to this post with: "what's the big woo, he isn't all that or are we just so Stupid to be drooling over plain skinny white bread every time a man takes off his shirt. How pathetic. get a Grip."

But the exposer became the exposed when another commenter responded "honestly im tired of people equating the color of skin to how someone looks just an fyi Polynesians are not white and he is biracial im a equal opportunity hater if your ugly on the inside you bet your ugly on the outside and that doesnt matter what color bread you are im gonna hate period."

Joking aside I really do think Apa is a wildly beautiful man (with highlights being his truly unreal bod, sexy manly facial features complete with full masculine eyebrows and amazing scruff, and confident laid-back personality) but if I missed the mark all these years, let me know in the comments please. Is K.J. Apa just a rectangle of grain, water, and bakers' yeast? And if he is bread, it got me to thinking - does that mean he has an expiration date? xoxo, Carrie

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Anyway back to our regularly scheduled bro-gramming. Wish K.J. a happy birthday with some of his hottest shots ever below!

Every Image From @kj_apa's 2017 GQ Men Of The Year Shoot. https://t.co/OrxSvKuPXZ pic.twitter.com/LKXqItt88i

— GQ Australia (@GQAustralia) November 16, 2017

Tell me your favorite photo from KJ Apa’s GQ Australia shoot and I’ll tell you what it says about you. pic.twitter.com/SeGvfd1Tyw

— (@robertkessler) November 17, 2017

Kj apa's GQ shoot came out while I was in class and I couldn't focus so yeah pic.twitter.com/PzT7JOtyAF

— (@cherryvaniIl) November 16, 2017

Remember when KJ Apa literally had a hard-on on the sets of #Riverdale and was just lying there shirtless in public ruining our lives!? pic.twitter.com/a4wMcZh6PT

— Salazar (@lasolorent) December 18, 2018

Season 4 episode 1 of #Riverdale and @kj_apa is shirtless for the first part of the episode...and I'm OK with that pic.twitter.com/uC46drTeBf

— Michael ️‍ (@MichaelB1983) October 12, 2019

Just like the tree in the woods, does an episode of #Riverdale really exist if @kj_apa isn’t shirtless? #Archie pic.twitter.com/1wc2NomfTe

— Erin @ with (@Allonsy_Erin) May 2, 2019

3 episodes, 3 @kj_apa shirtless scenes. This show knows what we truly want. #Riverdale pic.twitter.com/tzOTEHo4zk

— TV Source Magazine (@TVSource) February 10, 2017