Brody Jenner Just Tightened The Noose Around Our Neck

Brody Jenner makes us want to commit suicide. No, not because this vapid reality television "star" is one of the harbingers of doom that is modern youth culture. He makes us want to die because he is so unbelievably hot. He is one of those people that if you met him in real life you would pretend that he's really nice and smart and witty in the vague hope that he might deign to sleep with you. We hate that people like that get ahead in life, but show us a picture of Brody in a pair of board shorts and we have wood for days. Please, Sean Cody, can't you offer him like $1 million and get him to make a movie for your site? You know he'd make the money back in a few days. Until then, Mr. Jenner, we're going to jerk off to these new shirtless pics of you on Socialite Life, but we're not going to like it.

· Brody Jenner Strikes a Pose in Hawaii (socialitelife.celebuzz.com)