For Your Valentine, Forget Flowers and Chocolates. Sex Toys Say, “I Love You.”

February 14, 2011
CEDRIC-DEWITTISON

For all you Valentining couples: One, I hate you. Two, after tonight's candlelit dinner and hand-in-hand stroll 'neath the stars, you must make the inevitable fuck session hotter than Jake and Heath on Brokeback. Here are toys to help.

Tenga Double Hole Cup: This jack-off wonder brings mutual masturbation to a "hole" new level. (Hardy-har-har.) With holes on both ends, you and loverboy can stick both your dicks in like a Chinese finger trap and double the pleasure. You can simultaneously kiss on the lips and kiss on the tips. How romantic!

You can buy this at FortTroff.com. The fantastic site has plenty of hardcore photos, and even hot, lengthy video demos.

Timoteo Jock: Let Mr. Right see your ass framed at its best. Wiggle that rear while prancing 'round the bedroom, and you'll get rimmed 'til Christmas. We'd love to see some of our favorite athletes sporting this type of jock.

You can buy this at FortTroff.com.

The Male Try-Angle Cushion: This foam sex cushion is for couples willing to try anything, hence the cutesy name. Dubbed "the perfect pushin' cushion," you can flop about on this like a fish on shore into any number of positions. This ergonomic fuck-pillow will finally give the bottom's elbows a rest while presenting his hole.

Get it at xGenProducts.com.

Fleshjack: The good old fashioned Fleshjack always gives that extra kick to lovemaking. If he puts on ring on your finger tonight, thank him by ringing this jack-off classic round his cock.

Get one at fleshjack.com.

Tenga Black Flip: Of course, our number one suggestion is this little doozy that has become quite popular on our site thanks to our recent rave review. Unless you get two, you'll have to share one at a time. However, use at your own risk. We hear it feels even better than a real blowjob. Your boyfriend might toss you out and seek marriage equality with an inanimate object.