Jerk-off at Our All You Can Eat Brazilian Beefcake Buffet

Calling all lovers of Brazilian steak. Have we got a prime selection at the churrascaria for you! We've searched the net high and low to make those of you with a palate for Portuguese stuffed and satisfied. From beefcake to twink, from porn performer to legit model, here's what's on our seven course menu.

First Course: Marcelo Abreu
Get started with this tasty appetizer of native sausage from São Paulo.

Second Course: Victor Gaspar
Light and lithe, we know the special ingredient we'd like to add to this 21-year-old soup.

Third Course: Will and Tony
It's a mix of ingredients—the scorching pair of this dark-skinned duo from Rio. One's a dancer (meaning stripper), the other a computer technician. Tossed together, they make for one tasty looking salad with extra steak.

Fourth Course: Ruan Nobrega
The perfect palate cleanser, Ruan is lean and lickable. Everything about him would refresh the tongue.

Fifth Course: Marlon Teixeira
Our first meat dish may be chicken, but he's Grade-A beefcake.

Sixth Course: Lucas Malvacini
Our meat course is the current Mr. Brazil. A night with him looks definitely worth waiting for.

Seventh Course: Max Malvicino
A savory dessert, achingly pretty and begging for whipped cream. A perfect pairing for our fruit tart.