Chris Bines Is Fucked In Jail… For Real

Bad, bad, bad, bad boys, you make us feel so good! Mase got it right the first time in his iconic 90s rap, and even though he probably wasn't referring to porn stars misbehaving, it totally applies. We're not meeting up with jailhouse pen pals or anything, but we have to admit that watching convicted criminals fuck on camera just puts us on edge. That kind of edge.

90 days in the slammer? Here's to 90 days of getting slammed!

A sleuth at Men of Porn spotted Randy Blue's Chris Bines on the fresh meat list at their local prison, and we've never wanted to be sent to prison so badly in our lives. According to his rap sheet, the beefy bottom was picked up on possession charges and hauled off to take the most beautiful mugshot in history—look at that face! Looks like his bond is set at $1,000. If we could pay it by jerking off to him 1,000 times instead, we'd already be halfway there.