The Men of Saltburn Reveal All for Hank’s Public Privates

Well, Saltburn seems to be the burning topic on streaming movie viewers' tongues these days! And apparently it leaves a very good taste on the tongue indeed! Yer boy Hank here loves a good psycho-sexual family drama as much as the next guy, and this razor-wire-edged piece of visual eye candy chokes my throat going down in the second-best way possible. Mr. Man has all the video clips and pics to feast on, so I just wanted to reveal a bit of what people are waggling about. Besides silhouetted gay sex and masturbation, they're mostly going on and on and on about Irish hottie Barry Keoghan's unabashed full-frontals!

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Barry Keoghan in Saltburn

It's real! Yeah, let's just get that uncut and not prosthetic slab out of the way right now, shall we? Keoghan has a long, naked dance number through the winding halls and stairwells of the mansion known as Saltburn, from which the title comes. And he should be dancing! He's a poor student who befriended the right person in Jacob Elordi's "Felix Catten" who invites him to his family's estate for a summer of fuckery, of the body and mind varieties. That piece of meat certainly has us dancing an Irish jig!

Can we just crown him Mr. Perfect Ass now and be done with it? The slightly deranged family in the film has more than enough quarters to bounce off those bubble-perfect globes, and we think at one point they actually do. They're just not right in the head, is all, but it's easy to overlook or get distracted when you have so much shiny and pretty to look at!

Before he was dry-humping a grave (just...go watch the movie!), Keoghan was receiving accolades for his devastating portrayal of Dominic Kearney in the film The Banshees of Inisherin, for which he won the Best Supporting Actor BAFTA Award and was nominated for the same Oscar award. He also disturbed audiences as a vengeful teen in Killing of a Sacred Deer. But awards-shawmords, Jesus, that ass!

Barry Keoghan, Archie Madekwe

At one point Keoghan, who really isn't in a position to fight against his hosts' proclivities, nor does he want to...maybe...is pinned in his bed by an amorous friend of the family Farleigh Start, played by Madekwe. Madekwe was already spotted naked but covered in a field, so this late-night carousing holds promise, if not in what we see but in what is alluded to. And like any good horror scene, what we imagine is always better than what we're shown. As Madekwe spits on his fingers then lowers them beneath the covers as he asks "Are you going to behave?" Well, our imaginations are running wild!

Jacob Elordi

As the young lord of the house, Elordi's Catten rules the roost, so to speak. But he can't get a private moment when Keoghan's character spies him through a doorway as he masturbates in a luxurious bath. What are you standing there for? Get in there!

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