Ansel Elgort Douche Beach Bod In New Pap Pics Is Such Goals It Hurts

January 21, 2019
HIS_EXCELLENCY

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@nytimes #BabyDriver

A post shared by Ansel Elgort (@ansel) on Jul 2, 2017 at 12:07pm PDT

This weekend I'm going to Palm Springs because I'm old and gay, and as is a tradition of gearing up for an old gay warm-weather vacation, I've been staring at my Chicago Body in the mirror and wondering at what point Gay Jesus started hating me. I spend literally tens of minutes a week at the gym. What else could I possibly do?!?! Full disclosure: I sprinkled chocolate chips and crushed Andes Mints on my coffee cake this morning. BUT WHAT ELSE COULD I POSSIBLY DO?!?!

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Most iconic artist of our generation #RL50

A post shared by Ansel Elgort (@ansel) on Sep 9, 2018 at 8:38am PDT

JK I literally look like Ansel Elgort. Um, ya! Our favorite 6' 3" tall sassy douchetastic twenty-four-year-old starlet was caught by the paps living it up on the beach in Mexico looking like a ball of fuck alongside some hot chick. His super-toned-but-not-ripped bod is goals, but I take consolation in the fact that his bleach blonde off-brand Bieber hair is not. What else is there to say? I'd willingly catch douche from Elgort for one night of anal spelunking! These are super exclusive pap pics not available to us non 6' 3" tall stunningly toned fuckable plebs, so you'll need to hit the link below to see them. THOTS? Spillz plz!