Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Cock Ring Teardrop

We were intrigued by this marital aid, of course, because "Teardrop" is the song the Fleshbot Bookmobile plays whenever it rolls up to Bogue Chitto's Biennial Dirtpipe Milkshake Festival. But the device itself proved to be a serious and elegant piece of hardware that caused quite a clatter.

Read our review after the gap.

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It was humbly suggested when this item arrived that we get a "gay porn stud" to model this solid-state piece of heavy metal, but alas for you we had to look closer to home, as gay porn studs don't roam freely in this part of Los Angeles, and since we're not exhibitionists like David Aaron Clark and since we wanted to keep the thing ourselves, we weren't about to show you a picture of us sporting it, or anything.

Most cock rings are just rings, like that cast into Mt. Orodruin, except made of fabric or leather. They are designed to restrict the easing of blood from the penis and to sustain erections. They are also great napkin holders for certain kinds of parties.

What makes this one different is that it is heavy (so you have to want it to be there) and it has a wedge emanating from the circle designed to gently separate one's, er, balls and put gentle pressure on the area between, which is not necessarily the perineum unless the distance between one's shaft and one's taint is shorter than that of our test subject.

The device can be worn several ways, either around the penis only or around both the penis and testicles.

The Teardrop comes in three sizes for optimum fit, and truly looks badass when cocked at a jaunty angle.

We have two recommendations, however, beyond the standard warnings of keeping the device clean and not waving it around in church:

1. Heat it up slightly in a warm towel before slipping it on, because:
2. Sudden cold may cause its support to waver, and you don't want that thing landing on your foot.

· Teardrop Cock Ring (blacklabeladultshop.com)

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Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive