Fleshbot Comments: Stalking Made Easy

Gawker Media publishes at least 14 different titles (there maybe three or four more that we don't even know about yet), but Fleshbot is legendary around the family dinner table for having the least active comments section of them all. (Yay, team!) Let's face it, no one is eager to raise their hand and shout out to the world, "Hey, I'm a big perv who likes boobies and bare ass," but you really should! It's anonymous, fun, and because our basement dungeon spacious office headquarters contains no windows or telephones, you are our only access to the outside world. Plus, our mysterious IT warlocks have just given you a bunch of new features to help you connect with all the other pervs who share your boobie and peen loving interests, so there's never been a better time to fly your freak flag.

First, of all you need a comment ID. If you don't have already have one, get on board! (It's 100% anonymous and boring people aren't allowed.) Once you figure that out, log in and head over to your new profile page. From there you can upload a picture (think sexy!), link to your own website and see all your comments across the entire Gawker network.

Next, check out your friends and followers. What's that now?

Well, whenever you read a particularly awesome comment that makes you LOL or makes you think, you can click on the little + button next to it and make a new internet friend. You can now "follow" that commenter wherever they go, because comments made by your friends will now appear on the front page of this site, mixed in among the regular posts. Just by scanning the page you can easily see what all your web buddies are talking about. The stalking comes to you! (Again, this and every comment feature works on all the Gawker Media blogs.)

On the flip side, if anyone out there is crushing on your words, you will know about it. Should you be hot enough to attract any followers, they will show up on your profile page so you can check them out, add them as a friends, or tell them to get bent. (You can also leave a personal message on anyone's profile page. Meet cute!) All of these kickass Web 2.0 social networking features have been provided to you, the Fleshbot reader, on one condition. If they get you laid, you totally have to send us pictures.

Finally, a plea from your dear editors. As we said above, Fleshbot is universally known around these parts as the place where comments go to die, but we want to change that. Activity has been picking up lately, and that's great, but we know you can do it better and louder. So, yes, we're down our knees (tee-hee) asking for your help to show everyone else that our readers are amazing (and sentient beings.) You're smart, most of you know a lot more about your favorite pornstars and websites than we do, and typing with one hand is really not that hard. So get in there and mix it up. Tell us something interesting, start a blog war, ask Dana DeArmond what she had for lunch today. It's a conversation, people!

Most of all, be interesting! (It makes the Magic Rainbow Comment Bunny smile!) Make Fleshbot the pride of the Gawker Media comment world. After all, are you going to let those Deadspin punks push you around? Or freakin' Consumerist? We wouldn't trust their commenters with an adjustable rate mortgage, let alone the glory of front page access.

Now get out there and have some fun—the bunny needs you!

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Previously: How Not To Become A Fleshbot Commenter