The Hunger Of “Juvie Boys 2”

This may come as a shocker, but it's time to face facts: the world is going global! Forget apple pie and LOLcats: today, websites are available in non-English languages; Mickey D's offers salads with exotic Asian flavors; and beloved American icons like Kim Cattrall turn out to be, in fact, Canadian. In such a topsy-turvy place, is it any wonder that the rising stars of porn possess names that confuse the Western tongue, like Makhalyo Shebedyak? Or that provocatively-cheekboned erotic impresario Michael Lucas is the man introducing them to the cheeseburger-eating public? Nyet, we say!

So how did America lose its longstanding cultural hegemony in the porn world anyway? Take a good long look at the Lucas Entertainment-produced "Juvie Boys 2", featuring Mr. Shebedyak and seven other consonant-heavy twinks, and the answer will be perfectly clear: they're just hungrier. Can you see the expression on the undernourished Khasli Slaby's face? He really wants that cock in his mouth, and not just for its promise of sweet protein! Like a nominally more masculine Nomi Malone he'll do anything to get to the top ... and we mean anything, not like those decadent American gay-for-pay porn stars who turn up their noses at common cockgobbling.

Then there's Lukas Prenosil. He's so hungry for it, he'll nibble Josef Sobotka's very toes! He'll endure meager floggings from Josef's tiny hand! All for a taste of porno fame and fortune!

This goes on for two and a half hours, people. With just eight guys. Their fortitude in the face such indignities--well, it's beyond anything we've got in our arsenal. Raise the white flag and hand over the keys to foreigners like that pesky Matt Ramsey (aka Peter North). Game over, man. Game over!

· "Juvie Boys 2" (DVD info @ LucasEntertainment.com)