Tell These Twins It’s Okay to Touch Each Other

September 1, 2011
CEDRIC-DEWITTISON

Thanks to those infamously kinky Bel Ami twins, every time we see a new pair of identicals, we wonder how long until they start getting giggidy-giggidy with one another. Sadly, it rarely happens. Consider this an open memo to Mickey and Ajay: it's okay to touch your twin bro.

Darlings Mickey and Ajay:

We love your photos on Fratmen.tv. Your gorgeous faces, jet black hair, smooth muscled bods, and perpetually erect dicks will be our jack off material until the weekend. There's an easy way to extend your porn life span. Step closer, I don't want to say it too loudy...

While you're yanking the chain, touch each other. No, not on the shoulder or the elbow; touch the special spot, the place you usually reserve for the ladies, brah. C'mon... it won't harm anything. You might be thinking, "Dude, touch my twin? Gross! That's incest!" No, it's "twincest." See, you smiled. It's cute. And since you look exactly alike it's essentially masturbation. So just reach over and give a little...

Why the hesitation? It's just a little jerking off. Close your eyes, you'll think it's yourself. After that, why not a little kiss? Don't let the scruff around his lips scare you off, or that he's another guy, or that he's your brother. Here, have another tequila shot.

The thing is, boys, is that you can be very rich and famous, as twins, if you go to town on each other. You know how straight dudes always high-five over the thought of screwing around with gorgeous twin sisters. Same for gay men. Statistics show that Eastern Europe is in the lead with male twins willing to have sex on film, thanks to the Peters twins. You can help America pull into the lead. All you have to do is, you know, suck each other off then fuck each other to orgasm, and look like you enjoy it tremendously. That's not too much to do for your country.