Screw Your Girlfriend, Daddy Pornbucks Is Here

This one's a real winner—the king of all "my first gay blowjob" videos, starring that dopey kid that sat behind you and failed the final exam in Algebra class. After giving up a little too much information about his daughter, his friend's girlfriend and the logistics of shipping fresh produce out of San Joaquin County, this 22-year old beauty (dubbed Spencer) sheds his awful, polyblend plaid shorts and becomes every boy you've ever wanted to fuck. His ultimate fantasy involves "two chicks" (yawn), but today he gets to facefuck a rich guy in a sweatshirt.

Those perfect abs, the tacky but hot tramp stamp crowning his pubes (Lucky You… really?) and his semi-confused expression throughout convince us that Spencer is, in fact, heterosexual and most likely just treated his dick to the most amazing deepthroat he'll ever get. We'd also bet money that none of his slutty chick-friends have ever cleaned jizz off his abs like they were sucking at the bottom of an empty Slurpee cup.

Next time, we suggest spicing things up by utilizing that tacky chain-link curtain—this kid looks like he'd be down for some freaky shit. I'm sure he wouldn't mind an iron blanket clinking and clanking around his junk. Just don't use teeth!

Spenser (ItsAllGay)