Will Jason Cooper’s Ass Cooperate?

Excuse us, we have found our husband. He's Jason Tall Blond Golden Cooper. We're ready to play wifey-poo knee deep in lasagna as he goes out to earn our keep—who cares if he's only 20. There's only one prob: we want to top that fine ass with a finer tan line, but will Jason let us? Time to turn to our patented Bottom Countdown Clock to see if it'll happen.

• Claims to play football and baseball: -30
• His football position is tight end: +10

· Jason Cooper Busts a Nut (collegedudes.com)

• Kicks back on the sofa, looks us dead in the eye, and presents his dick: -15
• Spreads his legs for what we'll interpret as a hole tease: +5

• Spreads his cheeks and arches his back like a pro bottom ready to hoover up the world: +32
• Does it with the gusto of a bleary-eyed proctologist: -47

• Stands his six foot three frame up in a position for fucking, not to be fucked: -55
• Er... looks as angelic as your stereotypical blond bottom slut?: +2

The Verdict: These cheeks may be spread, but as of now there's a great big "Do Not Enter" sign hanging from those lick-able balls. When we marry Jason in the great big state of New York, we'll work his mighty fine rosebud until it's begging to be stung by our honey bee. With that munchable ass, someone's gonna break it.