Whatever Happened To That Boulder From Raiders?

July 23, 2009
CEDRIC-DEWITTISON

If Spielberg directed amateur queer porn, it'd look something like this. It has tension, drama, expectation of the worst, surprise revelation, and ultimately, feel good relief. Watch, you horny thrillseeker, you!

FADE IN

A pulsing orifice full of danger, adventure. It invites you into its cavern, full of treasures. A scratchy, skeezy voiceover would heighten the tension-wrought cinematic wonder. Then, the surprise twist! This anal action adventure ain't for the faint, darlings. Keep your eyes steady. Prepare to gasp!

FADE OUT

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