The Czech Republic is a land of contrasts! A gorgeous mosaic of peoples and customs! In this magical place where East meets West, visitors will find charming mountainside villages awash in eager tour guides, rentable for shockingly small sums of Levis and Diet Coke. Shirtless and crowned with frosted fauxhawks, these "escorts" are a quaint throwback to the 1990s, Prague's moment in the sun--a sun that prematurely aged the skin of the general population and destroyed the hair follicles on their fat-free bodies, but whatever. Maybe that's payback for decades of being godless pinko bastards.
(Alas, the same cannot be said of Slovakia, which, unlike "Czech", doesn't make for good puns. Poor, poor Slovakia.)
· Falcon International's "Czech Tales Part 1" (store.falconstudios.com)