Kate Beckinsale’s Sexy AF 21-Year-Old Boyfriend Matt Rife

June 22, 2017
HIS_EXCELLENCY

You can tell that the Internet is abuzz with a breaking celeb news story when headlines star to read as questions - like "Who is Kate Beckinsale's New Boyfriend?" because it's good for SEO. Kate Beckinsale is the MILF to beat these days, which is why people are freaking out over the fact that she's dating the sexy as actual hell twenty-one-year-old comedian Matt Rife! He's done stand-up on MTV and currently performs at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. "Has Matt Rife Gone Nude?" "Where Can I Find Matt Rife Dick Pics?" "Would Matt Rife Penetrate A Gay Blogger?" There. We're all good on the gay side!

As a proud, petty homosexual, I can safely say that I love making fun of middle-aged female celebrities. But I follow it up with "but I fucking love her." For Jesus. It makes me feel better about my current demise. The exception to all of this is the 43-year-old Kate Beckinsale, who has somehow funneled all of the youth from her peers right into her body and face, not unlike how Ursula The Sea Witch captured Ariel's voice in a seashell. Somewhere Beckinsale has a seashell. And somewhere Courtney Cox is pissed. But I literally love her.

You gotta fight for what you believe in. It's #PrideWeekend here in LA. I for one believe in a free country where people are allowed to love anyone they want. Equal rights and pride for anybody no matter their sexuality, gender, or race. And if you disagree, you can suck a dick and catch these hands lol #Love #HomophobicPeopleJustInsecure #illKissADudeForEqualityANYDAY #JustNoPenetration #pride #StraightButFeminine

A post shared by Matt Rife (@mattrife) on Jun 10, 2017 at 2:14pm PDT

Beckinsale has earned the right to fuck the jocky Rife, even though her daughter is only three years younger than him. If you keep up with Beckinsale on Instagram you'll know that she's actually really funny and self-deprecating - which is oddly easier to pull off when there's nothing to depreciate. Like, how kooky can you be when you have big boobs, weight twelve pounds, and look the same as you did twenty years ago? Goofy pose pic!

Rife's face is like a caricature of a model, and comes complete with piercing blue eyes, DSL for days and days, a thick ass head of hair, and a jawline that makes me look like I walked out of Bob's Burgers. This isn't even to mention his body that I'm pretty sure I lugged around on an Abercrombie bag in middle school. Add in the fact that Rife is a gay advocate (check out his comment on the Insta thirst strap above) and you've got the ideal man! Head to the gallery to see what Kate is tapping these days.