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If you haven't heard of Landon Falgoust, then you're in good company with the rest of the world. But apparently everyone's been missing out, because boy is firing on all goddamn cylinders in the body and face department and has a big fat cock and bush to boot!  

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First off, get in the spirit of this post by listening to Land Down Under, because this really needs to be an immersive sensory experience. Picture it. You're in the Outback, koalas and spiders as far as the eye can see, when all of a sudden, you spot insanely gorgeous Australian model Brandy Martignago hanging out with his huge fat uncut cock and au naturale bush on full display! I'd cum on that land down under. Rite ladies!

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The twunkiest twunk in all of Hollywood has got to be Tom Holland, and the Spider-Man: Homecoming star is apparently in on the dirty little secret, because he's all about delivering the sexy shirtless pics on Instagram! "Help Spiderman, save me from not seeing enough fuckable celebrity twunks." "Don't worry, I've got you babe. Want me to blow my web on your crack?" Let me know if you want more of my fanfiction on here. It's very good.

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Shame has absolutely no place in Tom Daley's life, and if you're into tiny pocket gays that you could fit inside a snowglobe, that's definitely a good thing! The Brit Olympic diver's YouTube channel is the go-to place to see a super hot pathological narcissist in action, and in his latest video, Daley takes us behind-the-scenes during his first ever time walking for a fashion show. The journey from backstage to the catwalk is filled with trials, tribulations, and most importantly, jiggling Daley dick bulge! Now I suddenly remember why we like him.

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It might just be the black & white contrast, but mama's seeing pretty damn dark dick and balls. And mama wants at those sweet berries. This guy is an international social media sensation, but I'll stick him in "Amateur" purgatory until I see him stick it to someone else. Have a good weekend ya'lllll!

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You first. 

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People are messing their britches over Henry Cavill's new muscle and body hair-forward Instagram post-workout pic, with the biggest difference between this and his usual muscly goodness being the new pube face situation. Superman has been dazzling and delighting us with all sorts of facial hair variations throughout the summer - and I'd even say that the drippiest I ever got for him was in the first pic below, which I covered like a doting teen girl here - but something is just not coming together with the neck and face hair sitch, and mama's not wowed. 

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Are the real natural wonders. 

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Sorry, it's just not your day.

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The pessimist in me always assumes the worst in people - that they're straight - but this tan line is leading me to believe today's amateur dick flasher might just be gay, if not a full-blown poolside gogo boy! Am I just a dreamer with a dream, or is this literally my future husband? I'm so nervous but also excited for our future together!

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Super hot twunk graduate Zander Hodgson gets banged in the chains from behind with his cock and balls barely hidden under his very low-riding pleater panties! Hodgson makes one insanely sexy Instagram model, so it shouldn't be surprising that he dazzles as a cluby bottom getting hardcore fucked.

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I think we decided for sure that our previous big amateur dick was unfortunately Photoshopped, this even bigger specimen is 100% real beef. And mama ready for her protein. 

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 The Rowers are all freakishly attractive, and their bodies are all so uniformly ripped that it's like watching the movie 300. But less gay. Of course, the real stars here are their asses, which only seem to get plumper and fuzzier over the years. 

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The same face. Over and over again. But I guess, who's really looking at his face? Also, the struggling ass shot is my new everything! 

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