Nick Jonasty showed up to the premiere of his flick Jumanji with a plus one in the form of brother Joe Jonas, and the two basically stole the whole damn show with their come-hither glances and styled as fuck looks! Sorry Kevin, you're officially canceled. Nick's pants are so damn tight and his thighs are so damn huge that it looks like he's walking around on two upside-down triangles and it's my new jamity jam jam! Of course his hair is as dreamy as ever and he just can't stop licking those luscious lips, and basically my moisture level is about to call for some Monistat.
I'm honestly afraid to look down now because A) The knowledge that I used a Sharpie to fill in a divot in my Nikes will make me weep after seeing this outfit and B) I'll realize that I'm waist-deep in about twelve different liquids that spewed out of my body thanks to Nick!
After all these years, I finally accepted Jesus into my hole just in time to have him save my poor ailing pussy after seeing this insanely freakishly scarily disturbingly hot picture of Ginger creamboat to the stars K.J. Apa! We already took a look at this shoot for GQ Australia, but somehow this retro jocky vision above is just now coming into my life. I mean guys. This is straight up son of Don Draper meeting me after the pep rally to let out all of his confusing feelings on my no no, and I'm in love!
So not to be crass, but I've been doing backstrokes in my own pussy juice all damn day after seeing these insanely cute pics of sassy starlet Gregg Sulkin cuddling up to a bunch of puppies! This is one of the few times that one of our fame ho Insta hotties is post-worthy without being shirtless, or showing his dick, and it's all because there's something about seeing a boy surrounded by cute dogs that really helps me picture our life together. I'm ready Gregg. I'm ready to have your babies! Even though I'll obviously get herpes and HPV through the Bella Thorne connection. Worth it!
Sassy starlet Nick Jonas will always be our Woman of the Year, so it makes sense that last night he headed to the Glamour Women of the Year Awards in New York City, where he looked so highly fuckable that I can't stand it! Jonasty isn't back in full form until he at least goes shirtless - something he hasn't done in forty-five decades - but this hint of chest hair visible over a shiny gay club shirt and Steve Harvey funeral suit is just doing it for me.
Here's the insanely gorgeous owner of a dick pic the fake news previously reported as belonging to Shawn Mendes. I don't know which insanely fuckable toned twink is hotter - Shawn Mendes or this Alex Cohen! Thoughts?
Perfect. Well, almost perfect. Who can spot what's missing?
You had me at "Come suck this dick till I cum." Nice to feel like a lady every now and then.
Here's a hot tip: Don't jack off for three days. Sit sidesaddle during Baby Driver and stare at Ansel Elgort while gently rocking back and forth on the theater seat. Go home and explode so much that you drown in your own jizz. So how was everybody's Fourth?!
And don't forget about that bush!
...but now the dry spell is over, and mama needs to lay down a tarp.
Have you ever accidentally put too much flour in your cake batter? Well...
The first celebrity that comes to mind. Go. If we get the same one I will shit a brick.
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