Do you want to get into Nolan's Great Barrier Briefs?
Our otter has arrived.
This is the porn Fred Savage, and I'm about to be starring in my own production of "The Wonder Smears" in ten seconds.
Okay, today's amateur whore could actually give our crowned Hottest Dick Pic Guy On The Internet a run for his money! I mean, please tell me that this boy is actually a porn star. Or at least a D-list Instagram model. He has such a cute face, eyelashes that I just can't deal with right now, and the most adorable head of hair everrr! Oh and he has a butt. That, judging by this pose, he wants to get destroyed by your big dick. But ugh that face!
Painful, but honestly worth it! I've got another full-blown FEMA situation going on in my pantaloons thanks to Nick's Jonas' styled as fucking fuck (I think I stole that from Celtic) look at the Critics' Choice Awards! We can go ahead and file this under "iconic."
As you guys know, I would never in a million years want to see a fuck tape featuring the Jonasty brothers, Nick and Joe, because that would be seriously wrong on so many levels and just plain gross. Ew! I wouldn't want to even see a makeout sesh, with their hot stubbled jawlines scraping against each other, because again, EWWW. But I think for the sake of brotherhood I can sanction some light touching between the two singers, fashion icons, and media moguls, and light touching is what you can find in this new clip posted by Joe Jonas on Instagram!
I'd like to locate his emergency exit. Rite ladies. Rite ladies.
You can go ahead and file this under "Literally My Goddamn Type!" YUM. Happy New Year everyone!!!
Nick Jonasty showed up to the premiere of his flick Jumanji with a plus one in the form of brother Joe Jonas, and the two basically stole the whole damn show with their come-hither glances and styled as fuck looks! Sorry Kevin, you're officially canceled. Nick's pants are so damn tight and his thighs are so damn huge that it looks like he's walking around on two upside-down triangles and it's my new jamity jam jam! Of course his hair is as dreamy as ever and he just can't stop licking those luscious lips, and basically my moisture level is about to call for some Monistat.
I'm honestly afraid to look down now because A) The knowledge that I used a Sharpie to fill in a divot in my Nikes will make me weep after seeing this outfit and B) I'll realize that I'm waist-deep in about twelve different liquids that spewed out of my body thanks to Nick!
After all these years, I finally accepted Jesus into my hole just in time to have him save my poor ailing pussy after seeing this insanely freakishly scarily disturbingly hot picture of Ginger creamboat to the stars K.J. Apa! We already took a look at this shoot for GQ Australia, but somehow this retro jocky vision above is just now coming into my life. I mean guys. This is straight up son of Don Draper meeting me after the pep rally to let out all of his confusing feelings on my no no, and I'm in love!
So not to be crass, but I've been doing backstrokes in my own pussy juice all damn day after seeing these insanely cute pics of sassy starlet Gregg Sulkin cuddling up to a bunch of puppies! This is one of the few times that one of our fame ho Insta hotties is post-worthy without being shirtless, or showing his dick, and it's all because there's something about seeing a boy surrounded by cute dogs that really helps me picture our life together. I'm ready Gregg. I'm ready to have your babies! Even though I'll obviously get herpes and HPV through the Bella Thorne connection. Worth it!
Sassy starlet Nick Jonas will always be our Woman of the Year, so it makes sense that last night he headed to the Glamour Women of the Year Awards in New York City, where he looked so highly fuckable that I can't stand it! Jonasty isn't back in full form until he at least goes shirtless - something he hasn't done in forty-five decades - but this hint of chest hair visible over a shiny gay club shirt and Steve Harvey funeral suit is just doing it for me.
Perfect. Well, almost perfect. Who can spot what's missing?
You had me at "Come suck this dick till I cum." Nice to feel like a lady every now and then.
Friends of Fleshbot