This weekend Nick Jonasty stole the Billboard Music Awards red carpet by showing off his ridic arms in an outfit he borrowed from a slutty Mennonite, and I have to say, I'm feeling a little bit like a jealous fake boyfriend! Everyone and their mom is lactating over his red carpet pics - even though people are literally comparing his ~lewk~ to that of a Macaroni Grill waiter or...

Or maybe we were the winners for witnessing such perfection.

The AVN Awards went down on January 27, 2018, at The Joint, and everyone was dressed (or undressed) to the nines. 

I'm honestly afraid to look down now because A) The knowledge that I used a Sharpie to fill in a divot in my Nikes will make me weep after seeing this outfit and B) I'll realize that I'm waist-deep in about twelve different liquids that spewed out of my body thanks to Nick!

I don't want to be the guy who cried taint overload, but, it finally actually happened. My taint fell out. Literally! It's currently cowering on the floor under my chair after seeing creamy McCreamerson Nolan Gould looking fine as fucking hell on the 69th Annual Emmy Awards red carpet! Our favorite eighteen-year-old sassy starlet looks dapper and fuck. a. ble. in a dark blue tux complete with a chunky ring. And dick. I...

The two get kissy for the paps at the Bulgari Pre-Oscar Party Dinner.

Nick even does a little dance that will make your heart melt.

No one has a press party quite like Evil Angel performers. Don't believe us? 

So about this boy...