So this is what heartbreak feels like. While we thought that things were going well with our fake relationship with Nick Jonasty, it turns out that he had eyes for some rando, and yesterday the two were caught swapping spit in public. The Nerve. The complete disregard for the sanctity of our fake relationship together.

The one, the only, the ripped, the fuzzy, the freakishly fuckable Jonasty enjoys the finer manly man things in life including cigars, bourbon, and golfing. But apparently his love for golfing might verge on lust, because the boy is looking suspiciously fluffed out in this new pap pic that I am lyvvvvving for!

For a recent Instagram Story, Nick Jonasty took us into the boudoir where he ever so flirtatiously covered up his teats with his sheet, giving us just a peak at his juicy hairy cleavage while including the caption "Late night jams." Nick if you're referring to the tablespoon of marmalade I had in my pants after first seeing these stills, then yes, we did have some late night jam! 

THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE. Nick Jonas hasn't shared a look at his perfect hairy bod on Instagram since November of 2016 when he graced the cover of Men's Fitness, but the sassiest starlet in Hollywood is FINALLY proving that he's back in the damn game with this insanely hot new tit pic posted yesterday!

Painful, but honestly worth it! I've got another full-blown FEMA situation going on in my pantaloons thanks to Nick's Jonas' styled as fucking fuck (I think I stole that from Celtic) look at the Critics' Choice Awards! We can go ahead and file this under "iconic."

As you guys know, I would never in a million years want to see a fuck tape featuring the Jonasty brothers, Nick and Joe, because that would be seriously wrong on so many levels and just plain gross. Ew! I wouldn't want to even see a makeout sesh, with their hot stubbled jawlines scraping against each other, because again, EWWW. But I think for the sake of brotherhood I can sanction some...

I'd like to locate his emergency exit. Rite ladies. Rite ladies. 

Nick Jonasty showed up to the premiere of his flick Jumanji with a plus one in the form of brother Joe Jonas, and the two basically stole the whole damn show with their come-hither glances and styled as fuck looks! Sorry Kevin, you're officially canceled. Nick's pants are so damn tight and his thighs are so damn huge that it looks like he's walking around on two upside-down triangles and it's...

I'm honestly afraid to look down now because A) The knowledge that I used a Sharpie to fill in a divot in my Nikes will make me weep after seeing this outfit and B) I'll realize that I'm waist-deep in about twelve different liquids that spewed out of my body thanks to Nick!