Year of Production:

Sometime between 1970 and 1978

Directed By:

Mother Goose!

The Movie:

Sexed-up dudes check into a hotel to roam the seedy rundown halls looking for sex.

The Dudes:

These 1970s dudes are for the most part nice-looking in their twenties and thirties with long hair and frizzy white dude fros, average body types, hairy chests, full pubes, and cut/uncut cocks.

Groove Thang:

Welcome to Hotel X. Please make your sexual tastes known on the chalk board thoughtfully located in our lobby: Top, Bottom, S&M, Master, Slave, Water Sports, Tit Work, Toys, or ???? "I'm the manager of this hotel. A strange hotel perhaps...more like a club...and the goins' on here! Let me tell you...sometimes it's like a carnival...an erotic sexual carnival just for men." It's all poppers and pubes as these dudes gather in the hotel lounge for some cruising and a game of pool. One slender leather guy with very short dark hair, beard, and hairy chest fools around with a nice-looking dude with long brown hair and mustache. Dude just happens to be wearing pink satin shorts! Short Hair has nice full pubes and a cut cock. He pulls his pal's clipped tool from that satin nightmare and pulls pork for a bit just as KC and The Sunshine Band is cranked up. "That's the way uh huh I like it!"

Checking out the locker room, we see two dudes in various stages of undress preparing to roam the halls and get their groove on. A slender guy with dark hair strolls in, spots a cool dude with longish hair, huge sideburns, and sunglasses. Slim falls to his knees and takes dude's cut cock into his mouth. The camera zooms in for a close-up while Slim works that dong and a frizzy-haired guy sticks cut tool into the frame for some suckin' as well. Back out in the hall, "a simple hole in the door becomes a glory hole with great possibilities" when an unknown gentleman sticks his long uncut dong through allowing some hungry fellow to chow down and work that foreskin. Somewhere a cheap broken down stereo is blaring "Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight."

Come on guys! Let's sniff more poppers and check out the shower room! A tall/slender dude just happens to be tied up wearing only a blindfold. Three men with average body types barge in and take turns sucking the bound guy's cut cock. Slender is soon untied and the four guys are crammed in the moldy shower rubbing against each other, licking hard nipples, fondling balls, and sucking cut cocks. One of the dudes is treated to a water hose enema/male douche. It's always good to make sure your asshole is clean! Leaving the bathroom, we head down the hall and enter a room where a faceless dude is laying spread eagle in a bondage sling. His "friend" greases that hairy butt hole with tons of Crisco. We are treated to an extreme close-up of the dude's pulsing pucker covered in the vegetable shortening. "Mama's little baby loves shortnin' bread!" Of course there are more poppers involved. "The swing here is a great little contraption. Put someone up in it and it just opens them up and spreads it all out in front of you like a banquet spread before a king!" Some dude crams a few fingers and then a dildo up that sloppy hole while a cool jazz instrumental plays on the soundtrack. Someone in the background exclaims, "Quiver me timbers!"

As we make our way through the seedy halls of this No-Tell hotel, we locate a couple of dudes involved in some light torture. Two guys place their pal in the stocks and tie him up. Pal gets some dildo action and the toy looks oddly familiar. I'm about 99% sure it's the same one from the sling room. One of the leather queens hisses, "Shut up you stupid bitch!" as KC and The Sunshine Band is back for more warbling. We leave the stockade and head to room 32 where two dudes are making out on a plush sofa to a funky soul tune "I wanna do something freaky to you right now." Well, there ain't anything freaky going on in here...just some simple cock sucking and close-ups of hairy hangy balls.

The last stop on our journey is the Orgy Room. Six dudes with slender to average builds are all lying around looking like one quivering lump of pale flesh. The guys kiss, jack off, suck dick, fuck, and engage in dildo play to the strains of the 1970s disco hit "Do the Hustle". I have a feeling that is the same damn dildo I've seen twice before. I wonder who is carrying it from room to room? Finally, we get to see some frothy cum shots and the dudes jack off one by one and shoot their love jizz on each other while perverse chuckling and coughing fills the soundtrack. Well, "got to go now for sure. Wouldn't want there to be no one to open the door and let people in, now would you?" By the way, where the fuck was room 328?!?

The DVD

Video:

"Room 328" is shot on 16mm film and has a grainy, scratchy picture quality that at times is much too bright. A few quick parts are too dark to see much.

Sound:

The sound is like listening through a tin can with obviously dubbed in sex sounds, continuous narration provided by the "manager", and some groovy 1970s Top 40 hits along with cool jazz songs.

Extras:

The extras include an interactive menu, scene selection (I was surprised to see there were six scenes as the entire movie just meanders together), and some groovy vintage trailers: an advertisement for new VHS tapes where you can watch porn in your own home!, "Harley's Angels", "Rugged Men", "Macho Grande" (with groovy organ music), "Young Stallions", "Navy Blue", and "Muscle Bound" to name just a few.

Final Thoughts:

This movie is fucking hilarious! The non-stop narration is what makes for an entertaining watch since the sex leaves a lot to be desired. Whoever provided the narration has one of the most monotone and cornpone voices I've ever heard. The dude just rambles on and on while we are treated to the groovy sounds of 1970s Top 40 tunes, cool jazz instrumentals, and horribly dubbed sex noises. Most of the dudes are nice-looking in a hardcore 1970s way: average body types, long hair, frizzy hair, lots of beards, huge sideburns, mustaches, goatees, and sexy full pubes. The sex is in no way a turn-on as it is horribly filmed and uninspired. The entire movie sort of flows along as one long scene. If you are looking to get off this ain't the movie for you. However, if you are in the mood to have some friends over, drink some beers, light up the bong and have some laughs, this is the one to rent. I was thoroughly entertained...for one viewing only.