Date of Production:September 2001

Director:not listed

Cast:David Chelsea, Tony Montana, Adam Skala, Pascal Bruno, Andras Horvath, Zolton Nagy, Alex Sokolik, Rico Omacka, Manuel Klaiber, Horst Wieland

Body Types: European men, body builder types, average men, uncut penises

Condoms:yes

Things to see:feet play, outdoor sex, an orgy

Plot:Several men spend an erotic weekend at a home in the Alps.

The Movie:

Why is good porn so hard to find? This is the question that I asked myself after watching this fairly average film. The only answer that I could come up with revolves around money. Call me a pessimist, but porn directors make adult films so that their companies can make money. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to make money, since we all need to do something to pay the bills. However, I think that many porn companies spend too much time focusing on the potential for profit and not enough time on presenting quality. While money doesn't always equate to quality, porn quality often depends on an experienced director and eager actors. When a determined director and a quality cast bring out the best in each other, the porn is good and often hot.

I don't want people to think that I expect "good porn" to be a Shakespearean masterpiece involving lots of Romanesque orgies. Good porn can be shot with average lookers and first time directors. In fact, good porn could even feature atrocious sets or hammy acting. However, the fact remains that good porn differs from bad porn in that the sex is actually hot. In good porn, actors are turned on by each other, and don't look dazed, drugged out, or sleepy from a night of partying. Good porn has directors who know what to edit and cut out unappealing shots, and are experienced with coaxing the actors into saying or performing in such a way so that the audience will be turned on. Finally, good porn portrays sex as something natural, innocent and perhaps extraordinary, as opposed to boring, staged, and predictable.

"Alpine Passion" is unfortunately not a shining example of good porn. The film features a cast of largely unenthusiastic European men having boring sex together throughout the films seven scenes. Some of the scenes have great build ups, which are then wasted on lackluster sex. For example, there is an outdoor scene where four guys make out in the grass. You might think that the guys would have a fantastic outdoor orgy. Instead, two of the guys break away and simply jack off, while the other guys screw together. Another example of a letdown is the grand finale orgy involving the entire cast. In this scene, the actors make out on two different couches, sucking and screwing each other. The let down occurs when you realize that most of the guys look bored and could use some direction as to where they could stand, as opposed to randomly walking around. By the time the money shots came around, I was already bored, waiting for the DVD to end. It is scenes like these where I found myself disappointed.

While the film is largely disappointing, I did find two things that were better than the sum of their "parts." One scene featured an attractive lad showering for our enjoyment. He has a fantastic package, and the camera captures his body beautifully in the shower. The sex he has later is fairly average, but that shower scene almost made me wish I had a loofah to help him out. The other scene, and perhaps the best scene in this DVD, takes place in a kitchen. In this scene, two chiseled men have sex all over the kitchen. They screw on the countertops and the bottom even holds onto the refrigerator door handle while he is screwed. What separates this scene from the other lackluster scenes largely involves the chemistry between the two actors. There is no chance at hiding the fact that these two men are turned on by each other. As a result, their sex is sweaty, moan inducing and spontaneous (just how hot sex should be).

When comparing the kitchen scene to the outdoor scene, you can clearly see a difference between the "ideal" and a "letdown." The kitchen scene offers the ideal for porn, that which is hot, exciting, engaging, and boner worthy. In contrast, the outdoor scene is a letdown because it is dull, slow, boring and not very erotic. It is because of this lack of eroticism that this film suffers. Had the director paid more attention at bringing out the inner sex fiends in the actors, this film would have been a greater piece of adult cinema. After all, when it comes down to it, porn is here to turn us on. My question to you is why should you watch something that only turns you on 1/8th of the time, when you could watch a film that will make it difficult for you to not climax by just watching the first scene?

The DVD:

Video:

This transfer suffers from "VHS'itis," a nasty disease plaguing porn that was shot for VHS, only to later be transferred to DVD. The first clue for the prognosis was a rolling horizontal line that continued to go down the screen throughout the movie. The line isn't very distracting, but it does make you wonder why it is there. I'm not a scientist so I can't tell you exactly why this line occurs. I simply assume that it has something to do with a faulty transfer. Some scenes suffer from poor detail, clearly not looking as sharp as other DVD's. Finally, there was a quirky video "technique" that I'm not too sure was an artistic maneuver or an actual error. During a few scenes in the film, the screen pauses for about 2-3 seconds, then the movement continues. This pausing only occurred a few times during the film, but I found it distracting. Yet again, I'm not sure if this was a "creative video technique," and if so, they need to find better techniques.

Sound:

The sound was decent, although it sounded like there was an echo during some scenes. Also, I detected people talking in the background during one scene. All of the action could be heard. Finally, the actors' voices are dubbed so some of the scenes are unintentionally funny to watch.

Extras:

The DVD features animated menus, animated chapter selection, and a photo gallery.

Final thoughts:

Average porn like Alpine Passion deserves an average rating. If you must see it, then I suggest that you rent it. Although, I seriously doubt that this will stay in your collection for a long time.