Ask Chad Love, Dating, & Sex: Horndogs, F Words, & Proposals

Ask Chad Love, Dating, & Sex: Horndogs, F Words, & Proposals

What up, Sexy Bitches? Well, for those of us in California, we are having a heatwave! Oy! It is so dang hot. BUT! You know what that means? Short shorts and tank tops. And trust, the heat is bringing out the horny! P.S. If you are hosting me, you need to have the AC to 68 degrees, a fan, and ice water. LOL.

Keep those questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

My boyfriend and I have been living together for a couple of years. We used to have sex often and while it was never the best sex I've had, it could get steamy occasionally. My boyfriend was really stressed with work for a while and wasn't in the mood for intimacy. I didn't complain as I didn't want to add to his worries and assumed things would go back to normal once his workload eased. However, it's been a while now and nothing's changed - he still isn't interested. We've played some couples games and identified stuff we want to try, but anytime I suggest something he wants to do, he's not in the mood or puts it off. I am generally always horny and so feel really frustrated and unsatisfied - which he's noticed. I could never cheat on him, but can't go on like this. What should I do?

Frustrated Horndog

Dear Frustrated Horndog,

Thanks for writing in, there’s a lot to unload here! While the majority of gay couples will see some lull in the bedroom over the years, having nothing going on after only a couple of years is not good. What seems to be a big issue here is communication. Right off the bat, it sounds like sex itself was not to your expectations. You also backed off while he was stressed, which is a loving gesture on your part, but actually, good sex can relieve stress and it can build a stronger bond and closer intimacy to help out when times get tough. Also, no matter what your partner is going through, and it sounds like you are with him every step of the way, you have needs too. You have stress too. No one should be forced into having sex, that does not make for a fun bedroom time, but there should be some open communication as to why there is no sex anymore. Does he feel inadequate? Is he not attracted anymore? Medically wise, stress lowers testosterone levels which can directly affect being in the mood. Also, believe it or not, some gays are just not that into sex. But you deserve to know what is going on. You need to be bold enough to put your adult pants on and address the issue. Have a conversation with him about your needs and his needs and what is happening to bedroom stuff. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to have that conversation yourself, maybe it is time to get a therapist involved, especially with you saying you can’t go on like this. It takes two tango, and both dancers need to show up. We all deserve to be happy, we all deserve to have sex. So speak up.

_____

Hey Chad,

My best friend uses the “F” word to talk about any gay. He greets me by using it, he says, “Hey, what up, F*g?” to our friends, and he talks about his dating life in such terms. I hate it. I’ve told him it isn’t appropriate to use it anymore, especially considering everything our community is going through politically and socially. It just is cringe. Also, I think it makes him look bad and uneducated.

The F Word Friend

Dear F Word Friend,

Well, you can approach it from a historical standpoint. That derogatory term for the gays was first recorded in the US in the 1914 A Vocabulary of Criminal Slang printed book. Then it was the long version, the first version of the three-letter short name was first used in 1923 in The Hobo. So yeah, the term has been used for a long time as a bad thing. If you want to get real historical about it, the long-form insult originated in England in the late 16th century as an insulting term for women, especially older women. So, as an educated person, this is not a term that comes with much love. While it may be funny to your friend, it comes with a lot of baggage and is very uncouth. However, the word queer also sprang from being derogatory. During the 90s, the term was embraced by the LGBTQ community and it turned to being a proud descriptive. We reclaimed the word and it is now used in a respectful and affirming way to talk about our community. But this has not happened to the word f*g. Tell your friend to knock it off, it isn’t funny and it offends you. Tell him you just don’t feel comfortable being around that word and that it triggers you. If he can’t understand that, it’s time to get more educated and socially aware friends.

_____

Dear Chad,

I want to propose to my boyfriend. We’ve been together for three years and I am so in love. Did I mention the sex is beyond amazing? I think it is time. We want to buy a house, we want to build our lives together. We haven’t really approached the idea of marriage because we’ve been going so strong and we can’t even believe three years have passed. The only real issue is that I don’t get along with his family that well. We have never had a fight or anything, there’s just no real connection there like he has with my family. It’s always like pulling teeth to make small talk at family functions and holidays. Anyway, we all have a joint family trip coming up to Paris and I thought that would be the perfect time to coordinate a proposal, in the most romantic setting with all our family around. What do you think?

Proposing Peter   

Dear Proposing Peter,

Calm your tits, bish. First of all, you need to figure out if marriage is on his dream board. It sounds like things are going perfectly, why rock the boat? BUT, if you are buying a house together and such, a legal union might work out better financially, although you should never get married for financial reasons. But if you haven’t really talked about marriage yet, is it something you both even want? Many couples enjoy the great sex and romance without having to put a document or pay for a big wedding for it. So first, see if that’s something he even wants. You can bring it up in a light manner, like, “Hey, are we ever getting married?” Simple as that. If he jokes about it, it probably hasn’t been a serious thought in his brain. Secondly, if you get marriage potential vibes, you are proposing to him, not his family. If there is tension or lack of connection there, why bring them into it? That family trip sounds like it is going to be stressful enough. You don’t need a whole crowd of onlookers for that special moment. Especially if they aren’t your besties. In my opinion, marriage proposals should be meaningful to the couple, in a place that means something, in a manner that matches your energy. Yes, Paris is romantic. No, having the family drama around is not. If the sex is so great, slip a cock ring onto his dick and say, “Marry me!” Just kidding. But make sure it is about you both and not just for the spectacle. If he says no, give him my number. I love good sex.

Check out all my dating and relationship advice, it's a hoot!

Email me! [email protected]