What I Learned From “The Intern”

(In which we invite America's Beloved (And Avowedly Heterosexual) Porn Journalist Gram Ponante to share his perspective on gay porn classics and classics-to-be ... )

Other than "Can't Stop The Music" and "Miami Vice", I'd never seen a gay film before. (I don't count "Brokeback Mountain" as a gay film because if you can't get it through your head that that film is Just About Love then there's no saving you.) So upon receiving a copy of heartwarming gay porn insta-classic "The Intern", I had some hard questions for producer/star Michael Lucas and writer/director Tony DiMarco, primarily about how the movie was supposed to make me feel.

Read our conversation after the gap.

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In case you missed Fleshbot's earlier review, "The Intern" is about dorky Ben (Ben Andrews) as he responds to a newspaper ad for an intern at a gay porn company run by the imperious Alexander Mann (Michael Lucas). The focus shifts away from Ben for most of the movie and then returns with a bang and a gasp as the Intern becomes the Next Big Thing. In the meantime, we see the workings of a New York gay porn studio and the dramas therein.

Since the porn I receive for review is of the straight variety, "The Intern" was my chance to judge an entire niche (along with all its attendant nichelets) in one go.

What was shocking was the overall quality control of this movie, as compared with its mainstream porn counterparts. The script was zippy, the acting was solid, the lighting was great, and I found myself skipping through the sex as opposed to the dialogue.

As America's Straight Man, I found the sex scenes intriguing in their uncut splendor. Not one actor was short of charming and fit. It was interesting that the non-sex roles were the most stereotypical, in the characters of the flaming, catty receptionist and the older, foiled fluffer.

Tony DiMarco: "Robert Richards, who plays the fluffer, is a good friend of Michael's and mine. He is a very talented and well respected illustrator of fashion and erotic art. He's also had many interviews for Honcho and Torso back in the day with a lot of the earlier gay porn stars, so he knows a thing or two about the business and its characters. The fluffer role was basically a take on the myth that there actually is a fluffer on the set (maybe in straight porn, not so much in gay porn). Many people tell me, 'Oh, I want to be a fluffer on your next movie;' that fact is that it doesn't really exist. So I thought it'd be funny that you have this guy whose job is to fluff, but he just sits around waiting and waiting and never gets the chance. The fact that he's older is to imply that he's had this position on porn sets forever, but rarely get to show his skills."

(In straight porn, people can become fluffers by default if they happen to be hanging around a shoot where the two performers have to get to a pop shot and don't have chemistry with each other. But there are no fluffers on staff in straight porn, either.)

The character of the fluffer was just a little sad, but the way it was treated in "The Intern" was charming. Long-suffering but good-hearted assistant Christian (Christian Cruz) gently breaks the news each evening to Richards that his services won't be needed. The straight porn version of the older dude on the porn set would be far creepier.

DiMarco: "His moments came out a little sadder than I had originally intended, but I think it give a sweet and human touch, to counter balance the sometimes crazy, harsh business."

There was one woman in the whole of "The Intern". She showed up early, as an accessory dog wrangler who is spotted - and clearly smiled at - by Ben. Was this to imply that Ben's rise to Absolute Gayness later in the movie was in fact a conversion? Does environment make one gay or is orientation an inborn trait?

DiMarco: "The reality is that there are women working in the offices and in our lives and I wanted to show that. Ben was not intended to be straight, he's just being polite."

Just as my fantasies involve melon-scented stripper body spray and the cast of "Barely Legal 73" after they've had some sandwiches and bulked up, I don't have a gay friend for whom thoughts of "turning" a straight guy isn't in his to-do list. A scene involving bright-eyed warehouse guys succumbing to a dose of Spanish Fly and each other is very sweet, in the same way that writing a love note in a different language via Babelfish is sweet.

"My girlfriend says, 'Don't let anyone go down on (your) honey popsicle'," says one. "She says it tastes like honey."

No straight guy would ever say that to another. Clearly, the Spanish Fly was already working.

Finally, I was curious about why most accounts of Michael Lucas in this movie, from other reviews to staff blogs, expressed surprise at how warm he was in person and how great it was that he made fun of himself, allowing himself to be smacked with an (actual, not the straight porn kind of) cream pie and to be filmed with a Botox needle sticking out of his eyebrow.

Why were people surprised?

Michael Lucas: "Why were people surprised? You see, I live in New York. The gay industry is on the West Coast, which means I don't have friends in the industry... all my friends come from totally different backgrounds in the city. I think there is also quite a lot of jealousy going around, as I am an immigrant who started a business from scratch who has gone on to win Best Picture two years in a row. And also, neither in interviews nor at appearances do I come off as weak... I keep my problems to myself."

(At this point we were interrupted by a stampede of wild horses. Lucas charmed some, punched others. But he demanded that all respect him.)

As a comedy, "The Intern" is breezy and not so in love with its own dialogue that it ceases to be a porn movie. That stereotype roles like those of the receptionist, intern, and company owner were played with aplomb is just a little less impressive than that of characters like Christian Cruz' assistant, who was just sweet. It is difficult for an actor to play Nice, but Cruz did it.

Comedies shine an oblique light on what we value; we can always tell more from them than from any other form that purports to come right out and say something. That is why "The Intern" is in fact a great portrait of a quality control-obsessed gay studio and the people who work there.

Oh, and one of the warehouse guys? Zack Randall? He can suck his own dick.

· Lucas Entertainment (lucasentertainment.com)

· Buy "The Intern" (gamelink.com)

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Previously: Ben Andrews Knows That Pervs Make Passes At Guys Who Wear Glasses, "The Intern": Yes, It's Supposed To Be Funny