Wolverine’s Mutant Power is Making Your Penis Explode

If every gay man in American consolidated his dreams and distilled them into one movie, it would surely be "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." Even the trailer is like watching a Falcon Movie.

First, it stars Undisputed Sexiest Man Alive (and Oscar host) Hugh Jackman—and he spends lots of time running around naked/shirtless and looking all butch. And then check out Liev Schreiber, who isn't like a gay icon or anything, but looks sexier than usual (must be exposure to Hugh). Don't forget Ryan Reynolds and "Friday Night Lights" hottie Taylor Kitsch. The only thing that could make this gayer is Jake Gyllenhaal and a cameo by Liza Minnelli (who has as much metal in her body as Wolverine). God, this has the potential to be as hot as "Slutty Summer!" Can you believe they're going to make us wait five more months to see the movie? First we can't have the right to get married, and now this. Life is so unfair.

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X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE HD

· X-Men Origins: Wolverine HD (myspacevideo.com)