Dear XTube—What the Fuck?

Dear Xtube, We have had a relationship for quite some time now. You were always a great boyfriend. Not fancy, but reliable and always came through in a pinch. But lately, that's changed.

One day, we came for a visit and you were fresh and new, just like Robert Downey Jr. when he walks out of rehab. You had a great new look and were easier to navigate and had much bigger...videos. It's like you were the same old paramour but with a new haircut and a fresh set of duds. But then the next day, you were back to your old self again, with your scruffy do and lube-stained underwear. Now whenever we visit, we don't know which XTube we're going to get. It's like dating Dr. Jackoff and Mr. Hyde.

What's even worse, is when we get presents from the cute new XTube (like video clips to share with our furry-palmed blind readeres) they go away when the dingy old XTube is in control. You have taken away our favorite thing about you, and that is consistency (well, our second favorite thing behind pirated video clips and amateur videos of faceless boys jerking off in their bedrooms).

Please, XTube, will you stop fucking with us and decide whether or not we're going to change so that we can focus on all the good times we had rather than this constant dicking around?

With much love,
Fleshbot