Gay Dating: Don’t Get Caught In Your Boyfriend’s Spider-Webbing

Gay Dating: Don't Get Caught In Your Boyfriend's Spider-Webbing

Cuffing season is still in full effect, and many of us are still looking for our winter boo to cuddle and nest with. Unfortunately, some of us will settle down with someone for the season due to the fear of being alone. When the heart is lonely, it can be easy to overlook redflags. Thankfully, when the sun comes back out and the snow melts away, we will come to our senses and kick the bad news to the curb. In some lucky cases, some of us find our long-term love from our cuffing season desires. Sigh. Dating is difficult enough, but gay dating? Oy. In this Love and Dating column, we have covered many unique trends in gay dating. Shrekking, pebbling, Banksying, kittenfishing, and the list goes on and on. For this edition, we are doing a dive into spider-webbing. Don't fall victim to your boyfriend's web!

As the term suggests, spider-webbing is the act of initiating a mix of bad dating trends to create a web that captures the victim and keeps them in a relationship, however toxic. How many of us have felt trapped in a bad relationship but were too involved to leave easily?

In gay dating, the "spider" will engage in red flag behaviors like gaslighting, lovebombing, manipulation, lying, and more, to slowly but surely trap someone in a relationship. Most times, the prey is unaware that they are being trapped in such a relationship. When they find out the true nature of their boo, they are already caught in layers of dangerous behaviors and are fearful of cutting themselves loose. No matter the extent of awful behavior the spider engages in, they at least have their prey as its own, unable to move or act out.

Spider-webbing often happens over a long course of time and can even span years. Another effect of webbing is that this toxic behavior also cuts off their prey from outside relationships, hobbies, and situations that might offer some clarity or escape. We've all had those friends who we've lost to toxic boyfriends because we just can't stand to be around them, and the friend would rather cede to their boyfriend than realize what is really happening. It is a major red flag if a gay man's best friend doesn't like who they are dating. First, your best friend is missing a brunch here and there because their partner has something else planned, then you realize you haven't seen them for months. They are caught in the web!

As the web thickens, the spider gains more and more control over their prey. Confidence, individuality, and clarity are all thrown out the window. In some cases, a spider will even use sex as a power play to get what it wants. That is a definitely dangerous web. Cause we love sex.

Gay folk are more prone to becoming victims of spider-webbing, as many of us have felt estranged from our friends and/or family after coming out. We fear being alone even more so than heterosexuals. We think we are lucky to find another queer person that we can be with and love. We fall into bad situations more easily, having a gay blind eye towards red flags that are glaring.

If you feel you may be a victim of spider-webbing in your relationship, start to ask questions about certain behaviors. If a spider senses that you are catching on to their web of toxic behavior, they will lash out and start to spiral, amping up their bad habits. They may get angry, try to turn the tables on you, or make you think you're crazy. Every relationship will have issues, but it is how the partners communicate that can save a romance and move past bad behavior on both sides. Just be careful when confronting your spider, they can often turn into predators who lash out - emotionally, physically, mentally.

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