Things That Make Me Go Hhmmm: My Own Questionable NYE Advice

December 31, 2025
HANK ORSO

You know what's worse than internet advice? Internet advice provided by pithy memes. You know what's worse than internet advice provided by pithy memes? Internet advice provided by pithy memes as filtered through yer boy Hank here! With New Year's Eve just around the corner, the internet is a slurry of advice, well-intentioned aphorisms, funny memes, and personal resolutions people feel everyone should follow. So I traipsed across Instagram, found some I "liked" and am here to flesh them out for you. So grab a drink or three and let this old Bear tell you a thing or two.

It's okay to embrace the gloom with the glitz.

Let's hit the ground running with the emo mwah-mwaahhh vibes. Let's face it, we've all been that guy at the party once or twice, and if you haven't, you will be in a few years. You gamely arrive, determined to have a good time, but as your gaze falls on the hypnotically cheerful faces partying with fierce determination, you know, deep down, that the shimmer and sheen of the evening is all for nought. Because you're all going to wake up on New Year's Day, hungover, and wondering just how the hell you're going to face another year of the same. You won't lose those pounds, you won't be in the gym you paid for last month for more than a week, and you won't do anything about getting a better job or a better boyfriend. You know what? You don't have to! If the only reason you want to make those changes is because of the comparison pressure you feel as you scroll social media, fuck it! Realize that you actually enjoy your life just the way it is, and embrace the one you made. Should incremental changes happen here and there, great! But shrug off the pressure you put on yourself for big changes. You're forgiven.

You feel weird now? So does everyone else.

You're stuck in a limbo between parties and work, work parties and stayacation. The days slide by, longer and darker, and you feel an unmooring in your footing. Should I be shopping? Should I be planning an outing? Is it time to pay rent? Did I feed the cat? Hey man, it's cool. Look around. We're all social zombies stuck in what seems like terminal liminal space. Enjoy the stillness.

Well, now, this is just fun advice.

You decided to stay in New Year's Eve, because you realised you're an adult and that night is for amateurs. So you need a good movie! When Harry Met Sally is better than most when it comes to rom-coms, and you can say that it's your tribute to the recently-departed Rob Reiner. So make some cocktails and appetizers, serve them off your "STUPID WAGON-WHEEL COFFEE TABLE!" and start the movie at exactly 10:30:28. And ring in the New Year with these two!

You know who you are.

Does anyone else feel completely seen by this? Hugs all around.

Stefon says...

It's true! It's literally the best time you can have with the one person you should care most about. Yourself. No, you don't have to look at your significant other and wonder if you're losers for not being out on the town. Trust me, the first time you decide to stay in, you'll wonder why you weren't doing this more often! The only drawback is that if you think you're going to host an intimate gathering of like-minded individuals, remember...none of them want to leave their house either!

Okay, this is actually good advice.

Sure, some of this sounds like all the little woo-hoo pithy feel-good BS I like making fun of, but most of these make a lot of sense. It's all about self-care and making sure you're taken care of before you take care of others. Especially that whole "Pleasing others" and "Comparing myself to others." Seriously, stop doing that!

And in the spirit of self-care...