Christmas Movies Gays Love: The Seasonal Illicit Partiers

The holidays are a time for gathering and relaxing. Sort of. As we run to and fro, from friend to family to friends again, trying desperately to relax. JUST RELAX! AND GET EVERYTHING ELSE DONE BUT MAKE SURE YOU RELAX!!! Okay, so it can be stressful. Luckily, we love a good party, and sometimes those parties get a little wild. And sometimes there are substances around to help you "relax" and get wild. There are a surprising number of movies that take place at Christmastime that feature a surprising amount of, well, substances. Here are some of our favorite yuletide flicks that might require a stint in rehab after viewing! Let's call these "Chaotic Christmas Classics."

Go (1999)

Big parties? Check. Gay content? Check. Cracking soundtrack? Check. Violence played (mostly) for laughs? Check. Oodles of substances? Most definitely check! This late-nineties is a comedic crime caper starring a pre-Tom Cruise Katie Holmes, a post-Rent Taye Diggs, Jay Mohr and Scott Wolf as a couple of actors who are also a couple, a ripped and mildly terrifying William Frichtner (check out his nude scene!), and the always wonderful Sarah Polley (of The Adventures of Baron Munchausen and later a celebrated writer and director) that all takes place one Christmas. Told in three segments from three points of view, it finds Polley's checkout girl behind on rent and scheming a deal with two actors (Mohr and Wolf) to boost herself financially. Unfortunately, their involvement is part of a sting, and now she's in a bigger mess. Mad raves with thumping beats, murder and mayhem, fast cars, straight swingers, a psychotic cop, guns guns guns, and an idiot Englishman all spell one loooong night for Polley as they all wind up on the naughty list!

The Night Before (2015)

It's about friendship. It's about male bonding. It's about growing up and moving on. And it's about partying one last big time! This deceptively sweet raunch-fest starring Seth Rogen (Isaac), Seth Mackie (Chris), and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Ethan) has a heart of gold at its "snow" and shroom-filled center. Ethan lost his parents in 2001, so Chris and Isaac vow they will spend every Christmas Eve with their friend so he won't be alone. They also spend that night for years seeking out the exclusive Nutcracker Ball, the greatest holiday party in NYC. In 2015, they decided it's time to give it up after one last go; Chris is now a football star (with secrets), Isaac is married and about to have his first baby (and he's terrified), and Ethan is a struggling musician working dead-end jobs. BUT...he also scored tix to the Ball! As the night progresses, substances are ingested, painful truths come to the surface, and friendships are put to the test. Also, there's vomiting. It's hilarious, but with Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball" as its musical heart, the film is also surprisingly earnest and sincere. Also, Rogen is always just too damn cute not to watch!

Bad Santa (2003)

Billy Bob Thornton's Willie (giggety!) is the ultimate loser. A drug-abusing alcoholic, he and his sidekick (Tony Cox) use the ruse of playing a mall Santa and Elf each year to rob malls on Christmas Eve. When he meets a young, troubled boy at his lowest moment, his criminal career careening off kilter and contemplating suicide, Willie finds some purpose in helping the youth. He also drinks a lot and bangs whatever he can get his hands on! Similar to Bad Grandpa, this movie is raunchy as all get-out and will successfully tug at your heartstrings by the end. The film co-stars the always adorable John Ritter in his last film role before his death later that year.

Less Than Zero (1987)

This is where things really go off the rails. The spectacularly eighties flick stars Andrew McCarthy, Robert Downey Jr., Jamie Gertz, and James Spader playing the Spaderest Spader he ever played. They are three former high school friends living the high high high life of LA privileged rich kids, reuniting when McCarthy returns for the holidays from college. His best friends have fallen deep into a substance-fueled nightmare of parties and excess, and there are two pivotal Christmas parties that hammer home just how morally vacuous Christmas can feel. There's one especially unseemly storyline that involves Downey's Julian character being pimped out for gay sex to pay his debt. Hey, yer boy Hank here didn't say this was gonna be pretty! Downey was basically playing himself, as he was deep in his own substance problems, as well as becoming an intensely talented actor. Luckily, rehab and others' faith in his abilities brought him out of it and into well-earned, sober stardom.

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