Advice For A Sub Servicing Their Dom: All About Gay Sex

Advice For A Sub Servicing Their Dom: All About Gay Sex

Oh, the world of BDSM, aka Bondage and discipline, Dominance and submission. Fetish sex remains a big part of gay culture, and the world of dom and sub interaction is going strong. More and more of us gays are embracing our sexuality and taking control, and broadening our horizons. More and more of us are getting interested in and toying with the idea of sub and dom play. Before you dive right in, there are a lot of things to consider, and one should dip their toes in slowly. This kind of sex deals with themes of pain and submission, and must be done in a careful and safe manner to remain enjoyable and to avoid injury. We have a few things to consider for a sub when getting in the mindset to service their dom.

The biggest thing to remember when entering a situation like this is that BDSM sex is not like what they show in porn. There are a lot of variables, pauses, and unglamorous parts to sub and dom play. Just like with mainstream sex, it isn't going to be as glossy an experience as gay porn, but it can still be as hot and as enjoyable. Just don't set your standards so high that you feel you have to achieve something perfect, especially at first. Sub and dom play isn't just sex; it is a power transfer, it is an incorporation of higher communication, and engaging the senses in extreme ways.

Our advice is to dip your toes in slowly with a dom who is experienced. If you are using the hookup apps, there is bound to be someone who has spent some time in the dom position. There are kink clubs and specialized evenings at gay bars like the Eagle and such. You are bound to find someone who can take on the role. If you are getting into BDSM with your partner or someone else with little to no experience, we advise taking it in tiny steps and doing your research. Regardless of whether you are with someone experienced or someone new, the biggest fundamental is communication between both parties. There needs to be communication before, during, and after engaging in a session. Set boundaries, set your safe word, and set an outline of how you want the night to go.

Control

Having control has so many meanings, especially in the world of dom and sub sex. Here's the thing to remember. Even as a sub, you are NEVER powerless. It is 50/50 when setting boundaries in terms of things you will or won't do. It is 50/50 when determining when you are at your limit, and in declaring it is time to use the safe word to pause or stop the current action. You are not a rag doll in this situation, and you have a voice in BDSM sex. That being said, the satisfaction comes in giving yourself over to a dom. And once the parameters are set, this is exactly the case. There is a comfort and excitement in "giving up" control in the bedroom and having someone else lead the activity and take a domineering role over you. You are set free to just enjoy the process, the feelings, and let someone else take over fully. Again, you always have a voice in this roleplay. And that's what BDSM is, extended and heightened roleplay. If it goes too far, the fantasy is gone, and it should stop.

Senses

There is the idea that BDSM sex is all about pain. While there is a sense of that, it isn't just about affliction. It's about that jolt of pleasure, allowing your body to respond to extreme situations and feeling intense sensations outside of missionary sex. Your dom should always be checking in with you to see when that line of pleasure disappears. Pleasure should always be a part of BDSM sex.

Exploring

Exploring the dom and sub play arena can open up your eyes to a whole world of things you never thought you'd enjoy. You only live once, and we gay men have been taught to hide or downplay our sexuality. Well, we aren't going to do that. You should explore every area of sex and sensuality. You might have fantasized about certain things that, in real life, you learn that you don't like. You will be able to incorporate elements of sub and dom play into your mainstream gay sex. BDSM will really teach you about communicating with your partner and taking that sex to the next level. Communication and exploring in mainstream sex can really up the ante and add some spice to stale hookups.

What is important to remember is that a sub does have power in the bedroom. Giving up "total" control isn't about not having power in the bedroom. Remember that.

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