WTF Is Shrekking?

WTF Is Shrekking?

We've been on a roll sharing new dating terms with y'all. We've covered floodlighting, LAT relationships, pebbling, and more! As gay dating trends continue to change on the regular, we are doing our best to keep up with what's what when it comes to love and romance. The latest term on our radar is Shrekking. WTF is Shrekking, and are you doing it?

We all know who Shrek is - that green ogre with a great personality and questionable looks. He falls for the beautiful princess and meets his match. Ahhhh, it's love!

 

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As cute and funny as we think Shrek is, the term Shrekking isn't quite as flattering. Shrekking means dating someone you consider less than. You are dating down, below your quality level to have the upper hand in the relationship so you don't get hurt. You might be considered hotter than, richer than, or more popular; whatever the element may be, you are dating an ogre below your standards. Basically, you are in a pity relationship. We've all had our pity fucks, well, this is it in a full relationship. The assumption is that if we date down, that person being Shrekked will give us all the love and attention that we crave because they value us so much more because they know they are not worthy.

What is so toxic about this dating trend is that there is an assumption that there is a higher value based on looks, income, etc, rather than on the person's personality or emotional bond. If someone isn't an 8 in looks, are they lesser than their partner? There is some sort of perceived value that may not have true worth when it comes to building a relationship. We have dated plenty of "hot" guys who are actually the ugliest inside and thus not of value at all. The idea of Shrekking and thinking you have the upper hand may actually make you the ogre.

If you think you are dating down to avoid heartbreak, you are actually avoiding the well-being of yourself, and you are so afraid to deal with your own intimacy and fear of being alone that you will "settle" out of safety. Also, when you date someone you aren't really attracted to, that builds resentment over time and will blow up to be a nasty situation, and you end up worse off than not dating anyone at all.

Shrekking can happen more in gay relationships because for many of us, coming out of the closet was an ordeal, and we are constantly in fear of being ostracized, or not feeling included or loved. If you feel like you are in a Shrekking situation, you are better off not dating at all and figure yourself out before getting anyone else involved.

As the RuPaul saying goes, if you can't love yourself, how are you going to love anyone else? Bloop!

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