What Is A LAT Relationship? Would It Work For You?

What Is A LAT Relationship? Would It Work For You?

We've been covering different terms in the queer dating world for a bit now. We've gone over floodlighting, pebbling, and banksying. We've all experienced these types of relationships, but leave it to the younger generation to come up with sassy terms for them. In this edition of Gay Love and Romance, we are doing a deep dive into LAT relationships. What is a LAT relationship? Glad you asked.

Simply put, being in a LAT relationship means you are "living apart together." Wait, huh? It means you are in a relationship, but living apart works best for you. Well, for those of us who get annoyed by little things like mouth breathers and guys who leave the toilet seat up, this might be the solution to having a great relationship. While spending more than enough time together with occasional sleepovers, living apart and giving each other some personal space and quiet might just be the ticket. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Having your own space means you can be yourself freely and not get into petty fights like who is doing the dishes, what kind of curtains you want, or who snores the most. According to a 2023 US census, more than 4 million couples are in a long-term relationship but living separately. This is also prevalent in couples who are over 60. As far as the LGBTQ community is concerned, being in a LAT relationship makes sense.

As queer people, we have fought hard to gain our own identity. That means we tend to like our own space and enjoy the freedom that we have tried so hard to get. Being in the closet meant we couldn't enjoy and express our true selves. Living with someone means a level of compromise and giving up some of our space. Also, gay men can get fussy after a bit. LOL.

LAT relationships are also popular in the queer community because we don't feel the need to conform to love and dating norms presented by straight society. We have open relationships, we have threesomes, we are poly, we are bicurious, and we don't feel the need to label it or make anything concrete. Enjoying all the perks of being in a relationship without the "roommate" hassle is very attractive. As long as the couple communicates and still spends a large amount of time together, it can be a very healthy alternative. Although you aren't saving money on rent, that aspect has forced many couples to move in together.

Couples in a LAT relationship need to set up boundaries and rules, much like having an open relationship. There should be certain expectations in terms of plans together, sleepover nights, and solo activities. Constant communication is key to making this kind of partnership work. To be clear, this is not a long-distance relationship. Long-distance relationships are caused by physical limitations, not a relationship choice. Careers, family, and other challenges can make a long-distance relationship the only option to be together. A LAT relationship is made out of choice and means you still see each other on a very regular basis.

What do you think of LAT relationships?

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