Ask Chad Gay Sex & Dating: Bad Roomies, Sniffies Boyfriend, & Ball Slaps

Ask Chad Gay Sex & Dating: Bad Roomies, Sniffies Boyfriend, & Ball Slaps

Hellooooo, Sexies! Can you believe we are already into September? Is it too early to hang up the Halloween decorations? You are aware that Halloween is the official holiday for the gays (other than Pride).  I barely got through starving myself for the Speedo summer season, and now I have to give up carbs for a slutty Halloween outfit. The struggle is real! We are still in a heatwave here in Los Angeles, and it is beyond! I’m afraid that if I get hot and heavy in the bedroom, I’ll melt. Sorry, boys!

Keep those dating, sex, and love questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

My bestie was having money issues, and he moved into my guest bedroom. At first, it was like a sitcom with two gay besties having the time of their lives with movie watching nights, late-night gossip sessions, and wine and cheese nights. Little did I know what a pig he is in terms of being messy and not cleaning up after himself. In addition, he has a late schedule, and he is as quiet as a bull in a china shop. At first, I would just put up with it and say he just had quirks, and I’d clean up after him and maintain the household. But it quickly started to build resentment, and I got tired of having to keep the household together when he blatantly disregarded keeping the house up on a regular basis. I’ve chatted with him about it, and he is totally unaware of how loud he is and seems unable to modify sounding like a moose late at night. He forgets to clean up, and if he ever does, he leaves a bigger mess than before. I am over it! I’ve tried communicating with him, I’ve tried pointing out exactly what I’m talking about, and I’ve tried ignoring it. Then he gets mad because he says I'm mothering him all the time and becoming a nag. I can’t live with a loud pig, I just can’t. It’s gotten so bad that we don’t even hang out anymore. We communicate with each other in nasty texts and avoid seeing each other at home. He’s still creating a mess. Am I going to lose my only gay bestie because of this?

Bad Roomie

Dear Bad Roomie,

Just like the unicorn, or a verse guy who is actually verse, being able to live with your gay bestie is just a fantasy. It doesn’t work. No matter how close you are, and sometimes it is worse the closer you are, living together is a whole different thing. That quirk or personality trait that makes you laugh when you are hanging out at brunch will get on your last nerve when having to be around it all the time. Being at home is our safe space; we need to be able to have our moments of tranquility and peace of mind. That means being in a clean, quiet space at times. I’m not sure if you are a clean freak or if you are a bit fussy, but your bestie did come into your space because he was having issues. This means he needs to comply with the kind of household you want to keep. If he is your bestie, he should be trying even harder to make sure things go well. Some people are just totally unaware of how they are at home. They are better off living on their own. You’ve opened your home, you’ve tried to work it out, in order to save the friendship, it’s time to push the baby bird out of the nest. He’s going to find that it will be hard to find such an accepting roommate, given his lifestyle. But it’s time. Give him an acceptable time frame to get his stuff and go. If you are really friends, he will understand, and you guys will be able to get back to normal. Living together with a boyfriend can be hard, and that even comes with free sex! Living with friends is really pushing the limits.

________

Hey, Chad!

I’ve been having sex regularly with a guy off of Sniffies. And when I say regularly, it is anything but regular. It is HOT sex. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had. It doesn’t hurt that he’s hot and hung, but we have a fun system where we ping each other on the app at all hours of the day – late night, lunch break, after work – it doesn’t matter, and we rush as soon as we can to fuck. I love how it is going. Here’s the thing: he asked for my number so we could start texting instead of relying on the app. Well, now he is texting funny memes, wishing me good morning, sending emojis, and trying to start a regular chat. This week, he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies. Um…huh? We have a sex relationship, not a friendship or dating. I haven’t even thought of him that way. I am afraid he is getting too close and too clingy. I haven’t texted him back, and he keeps texting question marks. He even messaged me on Sniffies asking if my phone was ok. What should I do? You are the queen of the sluts. What is a slut to do?

Sniffies Sam

Dear Sniffies Sam,

Did you just call me queen of the sluts? Yasssss! Thank you, it is an honor to be recognized for my work. The thing about sex is, no matter how much you try to fight it, fucking someone on a regular basis is going to create some kind of bond and intimacy. While you might not feel at the level of your fuck buddy, he might be starting to get the feelings. That’s just normal. But don’t be a dick and just ghost him. He’s shared his body and his fluids with you; have the decency to communicate with him like the gay adult you are. Tell him you aren’t looking for anything other than the fun you have been having. But make sure you put an emphasis on how much fun you are having, how great the sex is, and how much you appreciate how it is currently working out; that will put things in perspective. He may be a little butthurt and may not want to hook up anymore, especially if he is starting to catch feelings. That’s always the risk when you have a regular fuck buddy. I do have a quick question: would it be so bad to hang out with him once as a friend to see if there’s any chemistry? You never know. Life is too short not to explore. If he wants to stop hooking up with you, give him my number – I love the movies and fucking.

________

Hello, Chad!

My very good (and hot) straight friend and I have been friends for years. We play on the same soccer team, and lately, he’s been slapping my ass and slapping my balls after a good play and in the locker room. He laughs it off, but it is something new he is doing. I’ve been seeing more and more players in sports doing that to each other in sports. Truth be told, I follow a number of Instagram accounts that cover such teammate action. Is he flirting with me? Is he just trying to touch my junk? What should I do?

Ball Slap

Dear Ball Slap,

Dude, stop trying to make fetch happen. He is straight. I know we all have our straight guy fantasies, but if he hasn’t shown you any sexual attention before, he is not gay or even curious. He is probably seeing what you are seeing on the field and is following suit. It is a weird bro thing to do to slap each other’s asses and balls, and maybe there is a quotient of homoeroticism in it, but don’t make the friendship weird by thinking all of a sudden, after years, he is suddenly trying to cop a feel. If it makes you uncomfortable, just jokingly tell him to stop. You can tell him, “Hey, unless you’re intending to go all the way, stop it!” Then laugh. That will send a signal. If you are getting off on it, stop it. He’s your friend, not your fantasy.

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