What Is Floodlighting In Gay Dating?

What Is Floodlighting In Gay Dating?

Over the last few weeks, we have been sharing new terms from the world of dating. We've covered pebbling and banksying, and for this Love and Romance edition, we are diving into the world of floodlighting. What's with all these new terms? As if gay dating wasn't hard enough, now we have to learn all of these terms? LOL. The fact is, these concepts have been around forever, but now we are discussing relationships out in the open, and, of course, we have to put fancy names to them. So, here we go. Floodlighting.

This one is pretty heavy. Floodlighting is the term used to describe when someone totally unloads a bunch of their trauma early on in a relationship as a way to create a strong and intimate bond. Well, create a bond or force a bond, that is the question. In our opinion, floodlighting is a bit toxic and should raise a red flag.

Floodlighting is a tricky situation. The person who unloads the trauma could be doing it out of a sense of feeling safe with someone new they are dating, or it could be a way to manipulate someone into feeling responsible for taking care of someone and their trauma in the early stages of dating. It can be used to gain control over someone or to create a sense of reassurance. If you floodlight someone with your traumatic past, they might feel guilty about pulling away or not wanting to continue to date. As gay men, we tend to have a lot of trauma with issues like body image, coming out, religious ostracization, family drama, and more. So gay men might have more to floodlight than straight people. And we know that we gay men can get pretty dramatic.

Floodlighting can often come from an insincere place. It is used to create a fast track to trust and affection. As we know, a good relationship comes from a steady and slow build towards intimacy and love. Floodlighting forces the issue and breezes past the initial stages of a relationship. There are those who are sincere and feel safe with their new boo and want to share aspects of their lives that may create issues down the line. There are also those gay men who are unaware that they are manipulating the situation - that's the worst kind.

Floodlighting is prevalent in the queer community because we tend to jump into relationships quickly and overlook red flags. It comes from feeling isolated during the coming-out process, especially for those who have been pushed out by their family due to their sexuality. We want to feel safe and loved, even when we know it isn't the best situation.  There are jokes about lesbians moving in after one date for a reason. We feel a bigger need to connect and create our own family. We are also more resistant to leaving a relationship, wondering if we will ever find love in the gay world again. As we said, gay dating is difficult, no matter who you are.

So, beware the floodlighter. True bonds need to be built over time and be cultivated by sincerity.

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