Beware “Banksying” In the World of Gay Dating

Beware "Banksying" In the World of Gay Dating

Is gay dating harder than straight dating? Our straight friends don't seem to have all the drama that we do! With all the ups and downs in the world of gay dating, there's a new term out there - and it's not a good thing. Have you heard of "banksying?" What the hell is that? We didn't know either, but when we first heard the term, we knew we had to do a deep dive and share. Beware banksying in your dating life!

You can thank Gen Z for the term banksying. It doesn't take a genius to learn that the term is named after the (in)famous street artist Banksy, known for his secretive, pop-up creations that are often a satirical look at life and politics. Banksying in the dating world means someone who pulls out of a relationship emotionally and makes plans to move on, someone who ends a relationship on their part, but without the other guy knowing. It comes as a surprise when the breakup actually happens and the person who is bankysing has emotionally and physically moved on. It is totally unfair to the other partner who is essentially blindsided, not being given the chance to work on the relationship, and is left alone from one moment to the next. When someone engages in banksying, it means they are done with the relationship, but not strong enough to call it quits just yet.

This is different than just plain ghosting. In ghosting, someone disappears from one moment to the next. In banksying, the guy participates in the relationship just enough to keep it in place, but pulls away emotionally, and will cancel plans, not text as often, and essentially do the bare minimum. The other person usually can tell that something is off, but is often resistant to push the issue just to keep the relationship alive.

For many, this is worse than just plain ghosting because the perpetrator has been essentially lying for a period of time, taking advantage of someone's love just to avoid confrontation. Ghosting is like ripping off a band-aid; it hurts to rip it off, but it is done in one go.  Banksying happens over time and is a continued, blatant disregard for the other person. It is akin to cheating, even though often there is no actual cheating, just emotionally checking out.

Guys who engage in banksying usually have their own issues, and it might not have anything to do with the shortcomings of their partner. It may have to do with insecurity - they don't have the courage to confront or be honest with their partner. It's better for them to shut down rather than try and address the issue. They may also have intimacy issues; they want to be in a relationship, but don't know how. Queer couples may be more prone to this situation because there is often heightened self-doubt and identity issues.

The most important thing to remember if you have been banksyied is not to blame yourself. As we shared, many times, it has more to do with the individual than it does with the other person, or the relationship itself. Breakups suck, but they happen. Better to move on than to dwell on what happened.

Have you fallen prey to this new dating trend?

Questions? Comments? Email us at [email protected]
Follow us on Twitter and Instagram.