Ask Chad Sex & Dating: Frugal Friends, Drag Queens, & Morning Sex

Ask Chad Sex & Dating: Frugal Friends, Drag Queens, & Morning Sex

Hellooooo, Sexies! Well, this month seems to be zooming by! We are past the halfway mark to the end of July. There are even Halloween decorations going up at the stores. Sigh, the summer days will be coming to an end, and with it, all those guys hanging out of their Speedos. Not all is sad, at least we can go back to carbs after pool party season. How has your summer been going so far? My dance card has been a mix of everything – Pride hookups, bad first dates, and even a quickie relationship that ended after three weeks. The struggle is real!

Keep those dating, sex, and love questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

This past year, I met this super fun gay couple through work. We started hanging out as friends, and we’ve been going strong since. We hang out during the week, brunch on the weekends, and even take trips together. Here’s the thing, my wallet is getting thin keeping up with them. They are a two-income couple; I am just one. They like the fancier things in life, so even our meals tend to be on the pricier side. I’ve had to put trips on credit cards. And, here’s a little pet peeve, when we go out to the bars, they will buy a round of drinks, and then I buy a round. But they are two, so I’m actually buying two drinks compared to their one. I swear I’m not cheap, and I hate talking about money. But it is really becoming an issue when rent is tight at the end of the month, and then they call to hang out. Help!

Frugal Friend

Dear Frugal Friend,

Gurl! All of this drama, and you aren’t even dating them or getting some throuple sex? No, girl, no. Listen, you may like hanging out with them, but at the end of the day, they aren’t paying your bills. I like wearing Gucci, but I can only afford a keychain. It isn’t worth it to bankrupt yourself to keep up with your friends. You need to put your big boy pants on and start making some of the plans. Suggest movie or game nights in and order pizza. Suggest cheaper places to eat. Also, I don’t know why we gays are so afraid to communicate with our friends. Just tell that sometimes it's hard to keep up with the price tags. If they are really your friends and want to spend time with you, they will understand. There are plenty of things gays can do that don’t cost an arm and a leg. A hiking day, a beach day, a museum day, a picnic. Girl, I know going to the clubs can be pricey, especially if you get a little sloshed and start buying rounds. Just agree that when you guys hit the bars, everyone can pay for themselves. Just adjust the expectations a bit, and you will be fine. You also don’t need to hang out with them every minute of the week. You aren’t dating them! Enjoy your time when you can, but if your wallet gets a little thin, it is okay to excuse yourself. Who knows? Maybe they will invite you into their bedroom and put you on the payroll. LOL.

___________

Hey Chad,

I am dating a drag queen, and their stage career is really taking off. They used to just be booked on the weekends, but now they are getting multiple gigs a week and even their own, hosted night. I love that it is all working out for him because he is such a sweet guy and is really talented. I’ve never had a problem with him doing drag, but now that’s all the relationship seems to be about. In the beginning, I would love to show my support by helping carry his wigs and luggage with their costumes, and sitting in the audience. But now it is just assumed that I will be there at every gig, and frankly, it is getting a little tiring. I hate just being that guy in the background, being responsible for lugging his stuff back and forth, making sure she has her fan, and running back and forth getting him drinks from the bar. Also, his whole house is now drag. Costumes, wigs, and makeup everywhere. There’s no room for me to stay over anymore because their place is so cluttered. Dating them is starting to be…a drag. What should I do?

Dragged Out

Dear Dragged Out,

Oh boy! I have dated a drag queen and I know, first hand, it can be a lot. First of all, drag is a lot of work; second of all, you are sharing them with every audience, and their energy is often spent with each performance. It is hard to support a drag queen you are dating. It is a lot of time and energy, with rarely that time and energy back in return, a drag queen's life is exhausting! Some gays are just cut out to be in complete servitude to their queen; some are not. If you take yourself out of the drag scene, you probably will not see them a lot, and that will cause resentment and isolation. If their drag career is taking off, you might suggest that they start to hire an assistant for some of their gigs. This will take some of the pressure off you, and would be a good compromise. You just need to voice how you feel, and work on a plan that provides enough time and attention on you both. Sadly, this might not be the relationship for you. I always think any dating situation can work out with enough work, but I have been in this situation, and drag will always win. My ego just couldn’t take it, I need attention too, and I hated being just a wig carrier. Also, I had no room for my bronzer with all that glitter and those lashes taking up all the space.

________

Hey, Chad!

I love morning sex. It is my favorite. I always wake up horny and love a good romp before work. My boyfriend is NOT a morning person…like, at all. He is grumpy, lethargic, and can barely get to work on time without a jug of coffee. He’s also a night owl, and I am not. He usually gets horny right before turning out the lights, but he watches TV until super late, and by that time, I’m zonked out. Now, we are only having sex on the weekends when I don’t mind staying up later. We have been dating for three years, and always made time for sex during the week, regardless of our sleep schedules. Now, he ends up jerking off before sleep, and I end up jerking off in the mornings, with each other fast asleep by our side. Not sexy. What can we do?

Morning Sex

Dear Morning Sex,

Sex can wane even in the best of relationships. But it seems like you both are giving up trying and just settling for a wank session. No wonder he is not a morning person if he is going to bed so late. Maybe try both getting into bed earlier in the evening so he can start his TV watching session earlier. Also, find out why he needs to watch TV for so long each night. Is he stressed with life and work, and looking for an escape? It sounds like you should try suggesting some activities together during bedtime, that way you will end up roughly on the same schedule. Maybe you both could engage in some book reading side by side? Bedtime couples meditation? An evening walk together before bed? Some tantric massage early in the evening to get you both in the mood? You guys need to get back in synch; it isn’t just about the sex being on different schedules. Both of you should be expected to compromise a bit, and evening and morning sex should be back on the table.