Getting Back Into the Gay Dating Scene

Getting Back Into the Gay Dating Scene

Even if you've been out of the dating scene for even a few years, the gay scene has totally changed and seems to be changing faster and faster. Dating is hard, gay dating can be even harder, and if you find yourself out of a relationship wanting to dip your toes back into the scene, it can be a bit daunting. As we transition from the winter to summer months, many guys find themselves out of a relationship as the nesting and cuffing season loses it's attraction in the hotter season, when guys get horny and want to play. We've put together some thoughts about getting back into the gay dating scene.

Never Forget

Just because you are getting back into the swing of dating, that doesn't mean you should get relationship amnesia the minute you dip your toes in. What do we mean? We've seen a lot of our friends make the same mistakes that got them single in the first place. Remember everything you've learned from your past dating and relationship experiences. If you see the same red flags as the ones you've experienced with past guys, run. Don't give red flags or imperfect situations any time. You've been there, done that, and it didn't work out, so even if they are hung, don't put up with anything that hasn't worked for you in the past. Stick to your guns. You are getting back into the gay dating scene, but you aren't desperate. If you couldn't make a relationship last with the guy with no career goals who just stayed home and watched Drag Race all day, don't date guys with no life goals. If you want kids and your last boo hated them, don't date someone who is not clear about having a family. If you got sick of being the bottom the entire time, don't date strict tops. You deserve more, and you've already spent time learning what works and what doesn't work for you. No one guy is perfect, but you should be clear with yourself what is an absolute deal breaker and stick with that.

Be Bold

So you're getting back into the gay dating scene? Do it with intention and be bold. Get flirty and don't waste time playing it shy. If you like someone, go ask them out. The worst thing they can say is no, and then you move on. Guys like guys who are confident and know what they want. So stop doubting yourself and just dive right in.

To App or Not To App?

It is harder and harder to meet guys out in the wild because everyone is stuck on their phones. Getting back into dating, you have to ask yourself - should you download Grindr? Tinder? Sniffies? (If you've been out of the dating scene for a bit, check out Sniffies, it is sexy and fresh.) After coming out of a relationship, you should enjoy being single and yes, that means so fun hookups that don't have to lead to marriage. Again, don't be shy and don't feel guilt about sowing your oats and having some fun fuck sessions. You're single, if you aren't hiring anyone, who cares how many one-night stands you have?  Always wanted to be in an orgy? Always wanted to go to a sex club? Then do it! Get it out of your system before you get back into serious dating. Download the apps and have fun. Just a word of caution, don't get so wrapped up in the hookup app scene. It can get addicting, and if it takes over your life, you can get desensitized to wanting to be in a relationship.

Ask Questions

It isn't sexy to talk about medical status, but in today's hookup and dating culture, you need to communicate about STI status and what precautions guys are taking regarding sexual health. Are you on PrEP? Are you using Doxy? When was the last time you got tested? These are not sexy but necessary questions that you should be asking anyone whose zipper is going down.

Don't Rebound

Stick to a set period of time before you use the "L" word with another guy, or declare yourself in a relationship, or move in with someone. Don't rebound into another long-term relationship just because you feel lonely from your breakup. Of course, you will go through periods of sadness and loneliness from having a companion. But even in those solo times, there is a joy to be experienced in being single. Want to eat pizza in bed and watch Judge Judy for ten hours on a Saturday morning? Great. Want to throw a Speedo in a backpack and head to Palm Springs for the weekend just because you got the itch? Don't need to check in with anyone, just do it! Enjoy the quiet, pick up a new hobby, and just enjoy being on your own. Rediscover who you are by yourself.

Don't Wait, Just Do, Be You

Some of our friends who have recently ended a long-term relationship are waiting to get back into dating after they complete a full transformation that they feel they need before attempting to go out. That's just not true. Many of us pack on some pounds in a relationship, some of us are older than when we first started dating, some of our outfits are out of style for going out, but who cares? You are who you are, and you shouldn't focus so much on trying to be something you aren't. If you want to lose weight and start hitting the gym again because it makes you feel healthy and confident? Go at it. But don't wait to start dating until you feel like a new specimen. You want to date guys who want to fall in love with the real you. If you aren't a gym rat, then why pretend to be one? Just focus on being the best version of you and don't wait to get back into the scene. No one is perfect, and no one expects perfection. Again, confidence is the sexiest thing a man can have (that, and an 800 credit score, lol).

Above all, give yourself room to make some mistakes and have some misfires. Not every date is going to be a winner, not every hookup is going to be hot, not every pick-up line you dish out is going to land well, and sometimes you are just going to feel out of place in the high-paced dating world. Take a breath, take a break, and know that it will all be alright.

What is your dating advice?

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