Ask Chad, Dating & Sex: Cold Feet, Chastity, & Penis Pumps

Ask Chad, Dating & Sex: Cold Feet, Chastity, & Penis Pumps

Hellooooo, Sexies! Another week, another deep dive into the crazy world of gay dating and hookups. Is it me, or are more guys now focusing on more dating than getting the D? I’m trying to get guys to the bedroom over here, and the guys want to talk, or even hang out! Is there something in the air? Are we gays looking for more of a connection? What is happening? Maybe it is time your Chad, here, started to think about a real relationship. But hooking up is so much fun, you know what I mean? Sigh.

Keep those dating, sex, and love questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over four years. We live together, create content together, and do everything together. We really enjoy each other’s company. Nothing has really rocked the boat except a few minor things here and there. He makes me laugh, and we still make dating a big part of our lives – going out to dinner, trips, and fun bedroom romps. No major complaints. Well, with everything happening towards LGBTQ rights politically, my man thinks that we should get married now before gay marriage is on the chopping block. At first, I would have thought that it was a major stretch to have our marriage rights repealed, but now I’m not so sure how far this will go. I love dating my guy, I really do, but I’m not sure that he is the one for life, especially when talking about getting married, and I don’t want to rush into anything just because of some political wave. But my boyfriend keeps pushing and pushing. What am I to do?

Cold Feet

Dear Cold Feet,

Well, first of all, if you aren’t feeling it, you aren’t feeling it. No one should be pressured into anything in a dating relationship, that goes for kinks, marriage, and having kids. Nothing good comes out of being pressured into something. In the end, you will just come to resent being cornered against a wall. But also, you need to do a deep dive into why you don’t think this guy is the guy. After four years, there should be some chat about the future. Hell, lesbians do it after four dates. Are you scared of the commitment because of your own feelings and issues, or is it because of him? If it is him, then you need to wonder why you’re just coasting in this dating relationship and building a life with someone you don’t ultimately want to be with. Sure, companionship can be fun and comforting, but just because it is comfy doesn’t mean that you should be resting in it. It also isn’t fair to him if he thinks he’s building this life with you, and you have no intention. This is such a delicate subject to bring up, but you need to talk to him. I suggest getting a couples therapist to focus on this issue. Just be prepared that it will be revealed that you don’t see him as your ride or die. He may want to leave the relationship, and that might not be a good thing. Just being in a dating relationship just to be in a dating relationship isn’t enough. You have come to a crossroads in your relationship, but jumping into a marriage just because you feel forced to is not a good idea, even if you do foresee a future relationship.

___________

Hey Chad,

I went on a date with this guy, and it went really well. He’s super cute, has a great focus on his career, and a great personality. We had dinner and then some drinks. We could have hung out for hours. Then he started talking about his past relationships and said that because he always jumped into things too quickly, both emotionally and physically, he wanted to wait for ten dates before having sex with someone. TEN DATES?!?!?!  For me, sex is part of dating. How do you know if you’re compatible? How do you know if he’s packing a tiny dick? Waiting three dates is ok, but ten dates? Am I being crazy?  What should I do?

Chastity Carlson

Dear Chastity Carlson,

Lordy, you are going to have blue balls so big! Call me and I can help you release them. LOL. There is something about someone being so upfront and honest and setting the expectations regarding sex. He is also being vulnerable and open with you, which is a good sign. Sex is a big part of any relationship, but good sex is not always the best right away. It is true that when you build a strong bond with someone, the sexual energy can be increased, making for bigger orgasms. A strong bond and relationship foundation can even sometimes make up for a small dick…sometimes. Ten dates is a long time to wait, but you’ve had sex before, it isn’t going away, maybe take this journey with him and see how you can grow and learn from waiting as well? It may change your perspective on relationships and sex. If you really can’t abstain from having sex for a while, maybe you are looking for a different kind of guy to date. If you just want to have sex right away and date around, call me. Yasssss!

________

Yo, Chad!

I love your advice. Help me! I’m dating this older guy and he always has to use a penis pump. At first, I didn’t mind. He has a pretty dick and after using the pump, he was able to use it well (I’m a size queen and a power bottom). But now, after a year of dating, the pump has become such a nuisance. We can never just jump into sex; there is nothing spontaneous, and I have to sit there and wait while he pumps away. It is not sexy at all anymore.

Peter the Pumper

Dear Peter the Pumper,

Did you just say “Yo” and “power bottom” in the same paragraph? Yeah, bro! A masc power bottom? Teach me your ways! ED can be an issue with many guys, not just cause they are older. Stress, anxiety, and testosterone levels all play a part in being able to get hard. Pumps and dating aren’t the best pair, as it takes away from the sexiness of bedroom time. But sometimes, in order to drive your favorite car around town, you have to do the maintenance before you can ride. You might just need to have a little patience. Maybe do some foreplay stuff while he is pumping to keep you in the mood. Maybe watch porn together, sit on his face, or have him blow you while he pumps. I’ve dated someone who had to use a pump, and we found out that many times, it was just a state of mind, and he thought he couldn’t get hard without using it. We tried a lot of foreplay and realized that he didn’t need it every time; he was just becoming dependent on it. Also, has he seen a doctor? There could be other health issues affecting his hard dick, and maybe he can be put on some meds to help out the situation. Just know, he probably feels insecure about it, so patience and kindness will go a long way in getting him hard. Just try out all your options and work together with him with a solution that benefits both of you in the bedroom.

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