Your Gay Dating Red Flags…and Our Response

Your Gay Dating Red Flags...and Our Response

The art of gay dating isn't easy. Whether you are using the hookup apps, meeting guys at the club, or using a matchmaker, once you start dating a guy, many red flags start to pop up. Many times, we ignore these red flags in exchange for the companionship, or if the D is really good. But this never works out. We took to Reddit to see what y'all classified as a red flag when it comes to gay dating, and we wanted to share and comment.

We wanted to start off with a bang with a complex red flag that has a lot to unwrap.

Hating on "femme gays", accusing them of being attention seekers, etc. Hating on "masc gays", accusing them of having "internalized homophobia", etc. Both of those can be true sometimes, but the generalization is a red flag.

This red flag is pretty insightful. When a gay man has such strong, one-sided feelings about members of our own community, are they being observant, are they deflecting, or are they being jealous or self-hating? Given our current political and social climate, now is not the time to be turning on each other and criticizing certain traits that many of us gays have. Yes, we have all met the toxic masculine guy who can be a real jerk and feels they have to prove how manly they are, despite sucking and taking dick - they are annoying. And yes, we have met some femme guys who just seem to want to push the envelope just to push the envelope. But that's not reason to categorically discount a whole subculture, right? Red flag, indeed!

They can't be platonic friends with other gay men.

The majority of gay men are just horny. It's how we handle our horniness is what counts. Yes, we have had random hookups, and yes, there have been times when we've had a hookup with someone from our friend circle, but it isn't a must. We have met those gays who literally have the need to sleep with everyone around them. We don't slut shame, but if someone can't just be friends, can they be a good dating candidate? Can they focus on the friendship and intimacy part of being in a relationship, or is it just about the sex?

If all their friends look the same

Ohhh...this is a tricky one. There was a photo of a pool party that went viral this last week because every guy in the photo looked the same. They were all white, all had six pack abs, the same haircut, the same biceps, and even the same smile. Commentors on the photo pointed out there was no diversity at all; there were no variances in racial makeup, body types, or age. Is that a red flag? Having friends from a diverse circle means you probably care more about becoming friends with people for who they are and not what they represent. It also means you have more exposure to different ideas and life experiences.

Extra focus on superficial things (parties, income, status) with minimal to no interest in growth, real life, community outside of the queer spaces

Oh gurlll....Yes, we gay men have earned the stereotype of being superficial. Looks go a long way in our community and looks and money tend to equal importance and relevance in the eyes of others. There are more important things to revere in life. Money and looks can come and go. Do you want to date someone who only cares if you make a certain amount of money? The part of the gay dating red flag that gets us is the no interest in things outside of the queer community thing. We are guilty of living in our gay bubble, we go to gay bars, we watch gay TV shows, we do gay brunch, we care about gay politics. Yes, we know there is a straight world out there, but haven't we fought so hard to have our little world that we can enjoy? Is it a red flag if we don't pay much attention to the straight world?

Someone who always insult or disrespect others.

We gay men love to read people to filth. It's a god given talent. And while it can be funny and warranted, someone who only has this skill is probably a red flag. Being mean to others all the time can be the sign of an insecure person or a true mean girl, not someone you want to build a relationship with.

Doesn’t have any long term friendships.

YES! We agree with this one. If you are going to be dating someone, you want to know that they are capable of handing any type of relationship. Someone who can't hold at least a couple of good friends means they have issues with interpersonal relationships. Hard pass.

Doesn't like my mom.

This one is tricky. We will admit, we love a good momma's boy because we are close with our moms. A guy's close relationships with their parents should always be dealt with respect. However, there is one thing being close to your mom and there is one thing being CLOSE to your mom. We don't need overbearing, always present parents who can't let go. Also, if we are in the middle of a hot hookup session and they stop to answer the phone when their mom calls? Oy.

Republican

Enough said, we don't even have to comment on this one.

And this comment made us LOL:

Well, I believe the red flag means fisting. And I'm all for it.

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