Ask Chad, Dating & Sex: Jealous Bottoms, Sober Exes, & Mean Girls

Ask Chad, Dating & Sex: Jealous Bottoms, Sober Exes, & Mean Girls

Hello, Sexies! Well, we have gone from completely overcast days (with even some rain) that have sucked all the energy from me (not in a good way) to our now overnight heatwave. WTF? I’m either sweating in bed or cold as a fish, and no man in it to blame. The good part about this sudden heatwave is my morning coffee walk, I saw short shorts and plenty of freeballers! WOOF! Also, tank tops were out in full force, and clearly, some guys have been working out during the cold winter. Note to self: go back to the gym. Sigh.

Keep those dating, sex, and love questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

 I’m just astounded. Like shocked. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three years and enjoy an open relationship. It’s not like we are constantly jumping into bed with other guys, but it does happen from time to time, and we’ve never had jealousy issues, and we’ve been doing great. But I just found out that he has been bottoming for some of these other guys. To be clear, my boyfriend stated from our very first week of dating that he was strictly a top. I don’t mind because I’m a power bottom and love his huge dick. But he has never ever bottomed for me, and I am just floored, and a little hurt, that he is bottoming for other guys. I yelled at him about it, over too many drinks, and he got mad back at me, saying that an open relationship means an open relationship and that he loves me, but only wants to top me. We haven’t spoken about the outlash since, and have kind of just been ignoring it for the last week. We also haven’t had sex in a week, though. WTF?

Jealous Bottom

Dear Jealous Bottom,

Yes, it may be a shock to find out the top you are dating will get it up the ass from time to time. Here’s the thing. You guys have had a successful open relationship, and being part of an open relationship means you are probably doing other things in bed that you aren’t doing at home. That’s why most people are in an open relationship is to get a sample of something else. You can’t have primo chocolate cake at every meal, sometimes you want a Pop Tart. There’s this weird misconception that topping isn’t cheating as much as bottoming for someone else. That’s ridiculous. Sex is sex, and you have an open relationship. What I really think is happening here is that he loves the dynamic and idea of you being a power bottom. That is your relationship, that is your bond. Also, if you love being a power bottom, he knows that and can feel that energy, and maybe you aren’t good at topping. Don’t take it personally. I’m sure you enjoy some different qualities of the guys you are hooking up with outside your relationship. Just talk it over with him, and if you need to set rules in your open relationship, do it to avoid conflicts like this. And don’t do it over drinks.

_____

Hey Chad,

I was dating this totally hot guy about 8 years ago. We dated for about three years, and I thought we were in love and that it was going to be forever. We drifted apart because we just had different life values. I was progressing in my career, and he was happy being a retail store manager, and nothing else. He also loved drinking, and so his life was working, drinking, sleeping, working, drinking, sleeping, and nothing much else. I wanted more from life. He also started cheating, so we broke up. I didn’t really have any animosity towards him, and we split as friends. I have been dating guys here and there, but I always have him in the back of my mind because we really did have a good time together, and I really did feel love towards him. Well, somehow, he has ended up back in my life. We were shocked when we both showed up to the same friend’s brunch about three weeks ago. We started talking, and he wants to start dating again. He’s sober now, still works for the same retail company, but seems more positive and energetic towards life. I’m tempted, but I still don’t see the ambition in him that I have. Should I try going back?

Back to the Future

Dear Back to the Future,

Exes are called exes for a reason, they are cancelled and no longer part of your life. To be honest, I have never heard of someone going back to the person they were dating way back and having it work out in the future. It seems like sobriety is suiting him well, and that’s great for him. He’s still in the same career position, though, and that is something major that indicates he is happy staying there, and your ideals for the future aren’t matching up. I say move on and try being friends. If you did share a real love for each other, friendship can be a beautiful way you can express that affection from the past. That doesn’t mean you need to go back to something that wasn’t working for you. Things like sex, career, family, and finances are usually things in a relationship that can’t be compromised at all.

_____

Dear Chad,

My gay bestie is fabulous. He’s sassy and one of the funniest people I know. We’ve been friends for about 15 years. Here’s the thing: as funny as he is, part of his humor is constantly making fun of things. Every movie we see together, he has to tear apart. Every season of Drag Race, he has to read to filth. When I take him to the theater to see an expensive musical, he makes fun of it. I’m getting tired of him not enjoying anything in the name of humor. Also, every guy I start dating doesn’t want to hang out with him because of his biting sense of humor. What do I do?

Mean Girl

Dear Mean Girl,

Some of us gays feel like if we aren’t reading something to filth like every stereotype gay does in the movies, TV, or reality TV, then we aren’t funny and can’t maintain the spotlight. Honestly, the gay mean girl stereotype has become tiresome over the last few years, even the reads on Drag Race aren’t tracking. We have evolved as a gay culture, and our attitude has to evolve too. Our true value isn’t in our fan clacking, lip smacks, and sassy one-liners. That being said, some of us gays are really funny, and there is an art to a good read, but the more subtle, the funnier. Your friend might have some self-esteem issues if he thinks he is only funny when he is mean. He’s your bestie, just talk to him and tell him how you feel. Try and coax some positive chat from him. If he rips something apart, ask him what good qualities he can salvage. Try and turn the conversation to an optimistic nature. And next time he dishes out cheap jokes at something or someone, tell him you think he can do better than that. Start communicating about the other positive qualities about him that you like. You don’t have to laugh at all of his jokes. I do love a good read, but it has to be good, and it has to be smart, and it can’t be just malicious to be malicious. Maybe your friend and I should start a podcast. LOL.

Check out all my dating and relationship advice, it's a hoot!

Email me! [email protected]

Questions? Comments? Email us at [email protected]
Follow us on Twitter and Instagram.

Also, check out my fabulous line of sassy t-shirts!